tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62031369573875629812024-03-05T18:22:01.393-07:00The Naked Man ProjectOne man's exploration in finding himself and his search for light, beauty, desire and art.Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.comBlogger357125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203136957387562981.post-511194725830081792012-08-10T09:25:00.001-06:002012-08-10T09:25:45.755-06:00A Good Problem To Have...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4o6A_uDAZFo0zlCR5G6HzawJyGTaisPpBEQ6ezg-q50ZaTiJldk8bvAHhVDss3TLKZp1aieVNB6X4aFyE6j8pvyWRek5VBqj8v83qjUk1bAN23ptlOw5aVXuf7QlWWskzLo5qsaide4s/s1600/Colton-516.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4o6A_uDAZFo0zlCR5G6HzawJyGTaisPpBEQ6ezg-q50ZaTiJldk8bvAHhVDss3TLKZp1aieVNB6X4aFyE6j8pvyWRek5VBqj8v83qjUk1bAN23ptlOw5aVXuf7QlWWskzLo5qsaide4s/s400/Colton-516.jpg" width="274" /></a></div>
The Naked Man Project has suddenly grown exponentially beyond what I had ever imagined. This morning when I called a client back about scheduling a headshot for the beginning of next week he informed me that my Cyr Photo website was not working, and he could not get directions to the studio location, he mentioned there was some sort of J loop error and he could not access it. I took down his email address so I could send him directions and jumped on the site, it was indeed not accessible. I then jumped on The Naked Man Project site and saw the same messages. I then tried to log onto the server and it too was no longer accessible. I immediately sent an email to Julian to see if there was some sort of server malfunction. Indeed there was! It turns out The Naked Man Project was having so much traffic that it blew out the server causing disruption to all the sites on the server. Once Julian had stabilized it and began to figure out what was going on, he shot me an email that I have created a monster that is no longer containable with the equipment we currently have. It is time to either abandon the project or take it to a new level.<br />
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Oddly enough I had almost abandon the project and because I had not worked on it in months. After devoting an entire year to the project, I had somehow felt it didn’t really take off, and that it was perhaps just a narcissistic lark I had chosen to pursue. My life seems to be filled with abandon larks that never take off. I did manage to complete the year, satisfied but exhausted. Some of the models I had worked with were requesting that I remove them from the site or change their names because they didn’t like the notoriety and how popular the site had become because of being able to search their names on the Internet. Though they had signed model releases and initially agreed I respected their privacy and adhered to their wishes. In a sense it was just a bit much for a place like little old Missoula Montana, after all we are all a part of very small community. It disheartened and broke my pride a bit to have committed so some time, energy and determination into a project that not many, well within my community, seem to appreciate. I began to questions if I had crossed the boundaries of social and ethical morals, of exploiting those who had trusted me with their greatest intimacy. You see most of the models were from my community, mostly Montana, nobody has ever been paid, including myself in the creation of the project. It was all born out of passion and the desire for the exploration of the process. Last January the site had outgrown the original server and we had to upgrade. When we did the migration to the new server issues began to arise and my energy was consumed with how to maintain the site. What was supposed to become a self contained entity suddenly began to eat all my energy because of my inexperience and lack of knowledge with how the Internet works pushing me further away from the creation of art and what brought me to the work from the beginning. There was also suddenly a lack of interest of subjects to be photographed. What was happening? I begun to realize most everyone was intimidated by me and my little art adventure. At this point I decided it was time to lay it to rest for a bit and put my focus elsewhere, give it some distance. My boss at UPS called me into her office one day and said close the door, and in a whisper she said I saw your sight, and looked around as if we were doing something naughty said it was very good. She seemed quite impressed, though it was only appropriate to mention in a whisper. The origins of the horse whisperer had begun in Montana, had I now created the n____ man whisperer? It then dawned on me as I began to realize the ambivalence I was feeling from other people toward the project was more of a hushed appreciation.<br />
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It’s been churning in the back of my mind for some time now to get back to the project. But now it beckons me. After an intense afternoon of franticly trying to figure out what to do; we have decided to put the site into a maintenance mode so we can restructure and organize it to keep up with the influx of traffic. The real kicker is I was completely oblivious. I had no idea and was astonished when Julian began to tell me the numbers that were coming off the site. It is now time to dig deep and decided what is really important. Consider what is it I really want out of the project? Is it worth a new investment? So here I am wide awake in the middle of the night sitting in the middle of my empty studio, naked, trying to come to terms with this monster I have somehow created.Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203136957387562981.post-23061120069371283042012-04-09T09:49:00.003-06:002012-04-09T12:02:42.788-06:00Ghost Of A Creative Conscience<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/2012#67-Seth_1771" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target=""><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqIiywPWMGKw6OJkOHZo-rM3IlPe3TtPDLtr6oJj3N544ZFJ_YRDWUB19qdkV6B7k8D0Bb2CeEMYualWl7cEYaBE1Y8ADYR1MdjO6Zec87R_QaoKgnDWzIsmQWrsSvnzwvdmGGTm21Vfs/s320/Seth-177.jpg" width="214" /></a></div>I realize that life is merely an illusion that the only thing really important is our emotional connection to things. How is that we feel the older we get the more disconnected we become from our feelings? Is it really the business of our lives, the desperate race to fulfill our desires? To somehow find meaning sometimes where there may not be any at all. Sometimes the desire taking us further away from who we are to the point that we become lost and begin to abandon the things that are essential to our livelihood. I keep trying to be an artist in Montana, but it seems the harder I pursue it the further I get away from connecting to what is meaningful. I have somehow forgotten what brought me here from the beginning. <br />
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This morning I had a dream about my Grandmother Elise Cyr. I saw her living out her last days in a hospital bed and I would go to visit her. And though her body had become lifeless, I could see the vitality within her eyes and expression. I somehow helped her to relive that vitality again as we became suspended in a reverie of thoughts, feelings, emotions, and memories. In my dream I took her to a place of life and I could see within her soul that she was contented. Though she could not speak, she was filled with joy. In the dream I was trying to move her to a retirement center that was filled with other people similar to me, artists, where she would find inspiration and live in adoration. You see my grandmother always delighted in entering my world. It is my grandmother who gave me the passion of my creativity. You see, she saw things in me that no one else could envision. I was a very strange kid, enveloped in a darkness I could not understand. All I can remember from childhood was an angst, perhaps because I was so different. Where everyone else found fault in the difference, she somehow took delight and helped me explore it, to celebrate in my uniqueness. She was the most wondrous cook and she taught me magic of her world. But somehow the more I learned from her the greater a suspension grew out of me becoming a sissy as dread began to strike others around me, plunging me into a world of isolation and for the first time I found harmony in a world of creation. She taught me to sew, I soon pulled the old brightly colored flour sack curtain from the windows in the little shack and made myself a shirt, taking apart one I had already had to imitate the pattern. My grandmother poured every creative talent she had into me, and she believed in me when no one else could see my remarkable potential. My life flourished as a creative kid and I was further ahead than most others my age. I was ridiculed and tormented on the playground. I become fascinated with theater and the possibility of telling a story acting it out. I sang a solo at the Christmas Pageant. And when I finally went to the University, barely able to afford tuition, she secretly bought me a season subscription to a performing arts series to see all the amazing talents coming to our small town. <br />
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Many years ago I was working my way through a program called The Artist Way and one of the exercises specifically asked me to name the true champions of my life. My grandmother was at the top of that list. She still is. <br />
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In my dream she found the solace she was looking for at the end of her life in the adorning place of my creation. Tears filled my eyes. Not with sadness, but with joy that someone could see the remarkable qualities in me and allow them to flourish, when I know others chided her not to encourage such behavior. <br />
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A strange series of events the past could of days keep leading me back to the beginning; what is essential. I have taken a break away from my creative process, filled with distraction. Now my grandmother comes back from the grave as the ghost of my creative conscience, to hold my hand and remind me of what was once forgotten.<br />
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VIEW FULL IMAGE: <a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/2012#67-Seth_1771">Seth #177</a>Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203136957387562981.post-87520644305922780792012-03-25T12:52:00.000-06:002012-03-25T12:52:56.960-06:00Creation within a Fragile Existence<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/copy-of-january-2011#67-Colton_452" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPA0_tTwnhYnfm-ttxGMrBKcVrx7lo6z_ZioIDd7SSW_bUqmaLDBuaM08Xr2vFta1DMKb5C3UDVcICmKsZTjtzzLMJRf3b9OZc3aIG3jEMRcTaoIF6ItOzkAms2sXWrtc0ja2_36LOWF8/s320/Colton-452.jpg" /></a></div>Someone sent me a text late the other night saying they had read one of my blog posts and wanted to tell me how much they liked what I was doing. Somehow the project seems in the distant past, almost forgotten. I realize how much I miss it. How is it that something that seems so vital in our lives seems to slip so far away? I begin to look back at the last couple of weeks and see how busy my life has become. My target and goal is still aligned toward this project, but it seems plagued by a host of technical difficulties that, in many ways, I have allowed to derail me. Since the migration to the new server it seems most time working on this project have been resolving issues and of course the lack of time to commit to it. I have also begun to focus my energies back to shooting and working on getting back to the core of what brought me here in the first place. The new images have a greater depth than I have ever worked before. The connection is stronger more focused to and with the subjects. It’s not so much an experiment anymore because my technique has been sharpened and honed. This project has given me a deeper sense of myself and a greater appreciation of the moments I am living. <br />
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Yesterday I learned of a friend who was recently diagnosed with cancer and passed away. I see how fragile our lives become. He was younger than me and it’s been haunting my thoughts the past couple of days as I begin to make sense of where I currently am in my own existence. My own life is so vast, that I am lucky to have such woven such a richness in most everything I undertake, the biggest question is am I really taking the time to appreciate it to it’s fullest. It is now five years since I was also diagnosed with cancer, underwent treatment, and was lucky to survive this long. I see how survival has put my need to accomplishment into a sort of hyper drive that now consumes me. In a way making me fearless. But the real question is why did it take me so long to get this motivated. Why is it that it takes facing annihilation to awaken our lives to what is really important and essential to what we need to become? There really isn’t time to tread water anymore. Many years ago my dearest friend Gilbert was diagnosed with a brain tumor the week he decided to retire and was gone within 6 months. He was a man of great means to accomplish whatever he could possibly desire but spent too much of his time consumed in unhappiness. I have really begun to question myself. Am I really happy? Am I too consumed by my need for my own accomplishment to see what I have become? The process of becoming an artist means we must dwell in what we have created. To us as artists, the fresh vibrancy of what we create becomes dulled because it is rooted in a deeper connection of continually living within it. Someone sending me a text in the middle of the night sees a freshness and vitality that I can no longer recognize. But it does reawaken ourselves to see some thing we have created from a new perspective and reawaken our own bewilderment to what we have become. Though I may have been derailed from my original intent I still become aware of the extraordinary of my ordinary self. This is my process of discovery and creation.<br />
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VIEW FULL IMAGE: <a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/copy-of-january-2011#67-Colton_452">Colton #452</a>Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203136957387562981.post-8538788727368071092012-03-05T11:23:00.000-07:002012-03-05T11:23:47.307-07:00Reconnecting to the Inner Passions<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/copy-of-january-2011#67-Grant_216" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqI1PoHDhXZeP31rRJfuk1cdv5oxk5MyhyphenhyphenbjXgViL1TCAZLrj-YFylLKNgp86B00uxmk5F0lL3bfevu2OsY_6E15KV0zkdTgPgZbj3DlSsbJUomCxBOWuvBHB2aALw_UqMt2PHCCdUyb8/s320/Grant-229-1.jpg" /></a></div>I have reached a quandary in the direction I need to go? The website seems to have grown, although it has become a lot of work, but the focus of the work seems more based in the business of maintenance and refining the underlying structure. What I really miss and love is the daily blog and connecting my thoughts, concepts, and ideas into the project. It is becoming more and more difficult to understand where the focus needs to be and what takes priority. I still work a part time job for UPS in the evenings and recently my two other management partners have quite so I am dealing with the turmoil of that environment as well. I felt last year’s blog project was important enough and there still seems to be massive enough traffic on it that I have spent a great deal of time the past month trying to clean up and create an integration into the new site. I have also been shooting a tremendous amount of new work with new models, trying to refine what I think is becoming my style. But what I seem to be lacking is the addition and updating of new content to the site. Yes I have now built and created <a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images">galleries of last year’s blog posts</a>, but it seems to be a rehashing of old ideas. It is also creating a broader perspective of my body of work that I am hoping will begin to expand into new galleries. My life seems to have become a flow of diligent work toward this end that I am becoming very absorbed within. But it just seems to take more of my time than what is available to go around. Perhaps I would need a staff of people to pull of what it is I envision and dream of what the project should become. How do I prioritize where my energy needs to go? How do I find time for myself? Is this me? Not many people get an opportunity to stir their imagination and explore their creative side as much as I have. This appreciation grows day by day as overwhelmed as I may feel. This site has become a legacy of who I am and how I have lived my creative life. The network seems to grow closer and closer to my home as I am reaching to understand my own community and the source from where my creativity springs. This too takes time. <br />
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The other day I set up a connection to things I love by creating <a href="http://astore.amazon.com/the-naked-man-project-001-20">The Naked Man Project Store</a>. It is a store that contains many of the books and media that is dear to me. That which has inspired, captivated, and excited me toward my creative process. It has been fun to revisit all that and make the connection to that past. In a way it sort of defines my present and reminds me of my dreams. I love books and they are the passion of my existence. I am currently watching a series called The Tudors and see a living painting in every image. This is what creativity is about; to stir the imagination, to see beyond and within ourselves what it is we desire to become.<br />
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VIEW FULL IMAGE: <a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/copy-of-january-2011#67-Grant_216">Grant #216</a>Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203136957387562981.post-2384101086422455842012-01-07T11:25:00.002-07:002012-01-17T13:22:03.670-07:00A New Beginning<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/galleries-images-of-classic-fine-art-nude-male-photography-featuring-straight-men-exposed-and-gay-homoerotic-art-exploring-themes-of-romance,-sensuality,-and-the-sexual-mystique-of-the-naked-man-revealed-in-extraordinary-light-captured-by-photographer-ter/blog-gallery-images-of-classic-fine-art-nude-male-photography-featuring-straight-men-exposed-and-gay-homoerotic-art-exploring-themes-of-romance-sensuality-and-the-sexual-mystique-of-the-naked-man-revealed-in-extraordinary-light-captured-by-photographer-te/copy-of-january-2011#67-Self_portrait_2_2012" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br />
</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/galleries-images-of-classic-fine-art-nude-male-photography-featuring-straight-men-exposed-and-gay-homoerotic-art-exploring-themes-of-romance,-sensuality,-and-the-sexual-mystique-of-the-naked-man-revealed-in-extraordinary-light-captured-by-photographer-ter/blog-gallery-images-of-classic-fine-art-nude-male-photography-featuring-straight-men-exposed-and-gay-homoerotic-art-exploring-themes-of-romance-sensuality-and-the-sexual-mystique-of-the-naked-man-revealed-in-extraordinary-light-captured-by-photographer-te/copy-of-january-2011#67-self_portrait_1_2012" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinswhDvXBH59arx7KdU5_YGk8oFJGxdRBBAvbBgZXjbQERYf-IqnRPTP-0sYu6FhmPb55S8SWhHm1qhf41F0VeTv9QoLqt3d4N6uV4QKFk1m59qZ1V0bK-i04gs6rnbmRAh62WN_EyICY/s320/self+portrait+1+2012.jpg" width="213" /></a></div><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/galleries-images-of-classic-fine-art-nude-male-photography-featuring-straight-men-exposed-and-gay-homoerotic-art-exploring-themes-of-romance,-sensuality,-and-the-sexual-mystique-of-the-naked-man-revealed-in-extraordinary-light-captured-by-photographer-ter/blog-gallery-images-of-classic-fine-art-nude-male-photography-featuring-straight-men-exposed-and-gay-homoerotic-art-exploring-themes-of-romance-sensuality-and-the-sexual-mystique-of-the-naked-man-revealed-in-extraordinary-light-captured-by-photographer-te/copy-of-january-2011#67-Self_portrait_2_2012" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsPFySj_8YqR2oHBZ8ZaluSyeSig6x_w1RtVW1Dml4wKSwgV2RmWAas2oLjsmk-S68FZdRuKkqYxkpC47B-DXSCgUfNUFxkXIqRskmt97Hja2mGCyiaNBUbgsalDKX40plfHzNOVDaP3k/s320/Self+portrait+2+2012.jpg" width="213" /></a> <link href="file:///Users/terry/Library/Preferences/Microsoft/Clipboard/msoclip1/01/clip_clip_filelist.xml" rel="File-List"></link> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:DocumentProperties> <o:Template>Normal</o:Template> <o:Revision>0</o:Revision> <o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime> <o:Pages>1</o:Pages> <o:Words>435</o:Words> <o:Characters>2480</o:Characters> <o:Company>Cyr Photo LLC</o:Company> <o:Lines>20</o:Lines> <o:Paragraphs>4</o:Paragraphs> <o:CharactersWithSpaces>3045</o:CharactersWithSpaces> <o:Version>10.2418</o:Version> </o:DocumentProperties> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery> <w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery> <w:UseMarginsForDrawingGridOrigin/> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--> <style>
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">What a productive week.<span> </span>It’s hard to believe I have not written here for about a week.<span> </span>The week away from any “actual work” has turned into a string of creative endeavors.<span> </span>On New Years Day I was able to create a series of new self-portraits for the year as I began to see myself from a new perspective.<span> </span>I had been working on creating a vintage image of an actress for a film project being shot in Butte, so I had studied the old lighting techniques.<span> </span>I printed and framed the image in an old vintage frame and it looked vintage as if it had always been in that frame, and was of the 30’s.<span> </span>So I decided to take the same approach with my own self-portrait and loved the result.<span> </span>I then went to Butte for a couple of days and worked as a lighting consultant on a low-budget independent film project, being shot throughout the old historic city.<span> </span>Unfortunately just as things were just getting rolling I had to leave to come back for a photoshoot in Missoula.<span> </span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12pt;">It has been a week of reflection as I have actually done a lot of work on the website.<span> </span>Beginning to build galleries of the old blog images, month by month, which were used last year.<span> </span>Creating a snippet and link to the blog to make it more accessible, which in a sense, means reworking all the links and loading new images into the new web blog, essentially archiving it.<span> </span>It’s fascinating to go back and look at what I created last year, the progression and flow of it.<span> </span>I also had the opportunity to begin working through a backlog of shoots that were done last year but never processed or sorted; there are so many beautiful images beginning to emerge that had been completely overlooked.<span> </span>One of the funniest things beginning to happen is that I’m able to catch up with old friends I have not seen or talked to because of last years project. Looking back I am quite surprised that I was able to achieve such an undertaking and maintain the project throughout the year.<span> </span>I started conversations with other artists and feel I became a part of an awesome community of artists.<span> </span> </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/galleries-images-of-classic-fine-art-nude-male-photography-featuring-straight-men-exposed-and-gay-homoerotic-art-exploring-themes-of-romance,-sensuality,-and-the-sexual-mystique-of-the-naked-man-revealed-in-extraordinary-light-captured-by-photographer-ter/blog-gallery-images-of-classic-fine-art-nude-male-photography-featuring-straight-men-exposed-and-gay-homoerotic-art-exploring-themes-of-romance-sensuality-and-the-sexual-mystique-of-the-naked-man-revealed-in-extraordinary-light-captured-by-photographer-te/copy-of-january-2011#67-Alexsa_final" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxDrPeAIU_PqLMf6aGIqfMjq-dcrk_wMg2cKRm_8m2LSr62j3znvgnOBp1hwCrRt3ABId0lO5UpYjnCLEfrNMKCcfneG-kdZvGY7oJCE3mGwx8LjJYtcugbVyGprePuKlfuSpl75AFAdE/s320/Alexsa+final.jpg" width="197" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12pt;">And yes I have been watching movies, some good, some not so good, trying to catch up on what I missed taking the year off.<span> </span>Best of all I am back to doing research as I have a sensational new kid coming to work with in the studio this afternoon on some new images.<span> </span>It is time to put together the test of all I have gained through out the year now in practice and see where it will take me.<span> </span>I have also had days with absolute nothing, and I must say I felt a bit lost, but tired to remain in it.<span> </span>I thought last year was a sensational year for me and everything this year seems to be growing out of it.<span> </span>It’s funny that I now see so much change within myself, that I could not see evolving because I was too close to it last year.<span> </span>The project must have been a big success because though I have not contributed to it in a about a week there is still traffic upwards of 500 to 600 a day looking at it.<span> </span>It has been good to step away and have some time to reflect.</span><!--EndFragment-->Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203136957387562981.post-82862556935875304472011-12-31T14:35:00.003-07:002012-03-06T14:02:09.942-07:00Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Ken_White_nude_standing" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:em"><img border="0" height="400" width="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxcjjW-mLt2PYy1zLV9X59xZvP0OiRsmAG-jzX35AldpIHArBaMg5VZ5x6nDCjIeonXlTEK8cBMysKQy3sFxQtKQMRwKxGjI6wW8f_hNCQmMdDxCdlYazmpm6p4mICqYbrtGD37FodwWU/s400/Ken+White+nude+standing.jpg" /></a></div>You know me, I have got a song from musical theater buzzing through my head this morning and it seems appropriate for the final blog of this year long project. (play video at bottom of page) The second act of the musical <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rent_%28musical%29">RENT</a> opens with a fantastic production number call Season’s of Love in which the cast asks, “How do you measure a year in the life?” As they break the year down to “five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes.” Well here it is the last day of the year, and somehow beginning this project I didn’t think I would quite make it to the end. I was never sure where the project would lead or where it would end up. Today is a celebration of accomplishment and thus begins a new era of my life. I have faced the world and myself without trepidation and now see both from a new perspective. Beginning this year long process of facing my fears as a man, who had felt his past his prime, moving into middle age, living in an environment focused mostly on the vitality of youth. Finding myself in a despondent world of sensual/sexual ambivalence. Questioning the essence at the core of my identity as one man's exploration in finding himself and his search for light, beauty, desire and art. As the year closes I can say I found all, especially myself. To examine one’s life it seems to give it meaning and certainly greater understanding of fear, doubt, and lack of self confidence that have oppressed most of my adult life. Recognizing not just to the negative, but also the positive. I have seen and felt great moments of joy and elation through out the year as it was filled me with lots of surprises. I have always felt a certain amount of shame that I had never arrived at that moment in my life that would say you have made it, and now I wonder if such a moment even ever exists. Does it become a part of the mythology of who we think we are? As an artist I learned to question life and learn and grow from every experience good or negative. To search for meaning in myself, then interpret that meaning into a form of expression that I can share with others. The medium held lots of barriers for me, as I am not a writer, was terrible at grammar and genetically could not spell, yet I some how saw beyond those barriers to express what was most meaningful to me. I see now I have always been filled with a passion that is far greater then can be contained. My images follow the same pattern, there is no formula for what I do and each set of images becomes a unique as the subjects I work to create. I am a mostly self taught photographer whose passion again is greater than myself and the expression manifests itself through the vastness of my life experience. I have discovered that art is never about what is on the surface but what lies within it. How does it make me feel? If it elicits a response then the artist is successful. As a man I was taught to reject the male nude figure, to suppress emotions, and to become a pillar of strength and morality. To become a gay man always seems to be a contradiction of all those precepts culture thrust upon me. I always thought perhaps this was a Montana thing because we do not embrace the things we can not understand, yet through out this year, as I began to communicate with others I see it is universal. Things we don’t understand typically get pushed away and often times become suppressed because we don’t have to tools to deal with them. Being a gay man growing up during my time and in the place I did, I have been greatly misunderstood. But I have also seen people’s perceptions change once they realize and begin to see who I truly am. It seems there are very few role models in my world of gay culture that seem healthy and strong and so much of my community becomes self-loathing. Yet that beauty exits breathtakingly through out the history of art. We see the beauty of the naked man, without shame, in the glory of god’s light and grace. That strength and morality become radiant filled with a visible passion for acceptance, tolerance, and compassion. <br />
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Today’s image is the earliest surviving images to the digital era as my first exposure of a nude man. The subject was a straight man with whom I began to shoot portraits and experimental images in the studio. Eventually, after many months, working up the nerve to expose him completely. My own internalized homophobia becoming my greatest obstacle to overcome. At the time it seemed less complicated to him than me. This is simplicity at its purest form for me as I still adore this image. The moment of this image became the greatest leap in my life, a leap I am glad to have taken. A moment when I knew my life would change forever. <br />
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The project will continue as will the blog, but not on a daily basis. I have found it takes a lot of perseverance to bring myself to this process everyday, but for now I am taking a break to realign my myself, redefine my objectives, and recharge my life. The website now will become a focus as I hope it will grow to become a collective to other artists expressions. I still have my sights set on reviving the Man Art site in the upcoming months. So here ends my year with a great appreciation to all those who have embraced me and helped me to this end. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.<br />
~Terry<br />
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<i>“Five hundred twenty-five thousand<br />
Six hundred minutes,<br />
Five hundred twenty-five thousand<br />
Moments so dear.<br />
Five hundred twenty-five thousand<br />
Six hundred minutes<br />
How do you measure, measure a year?<br />
<br />
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights<br />
In cups of coffee<br />
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.<br />
<br />
In five hundred twenty-five thousand<br />
Six hundred minutes<br />
How do you measure<br />
A year in the life?<br />
<br />
How about love?<br />
How about love?<br />
How about love? Measure in love”</i><br />
Music and Lyrics my Jonathan Larson from the musical RENT<br />
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VIEW FULL IMAGE: <a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Ken_White_nude_standing">Ken Standing</a>Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203136957387562981.post-12344879103544640782011-12-30T13:49:00.002-07:002012-03-06T14:02:57.084-07:00A Reflection Of Myself<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-untitled_513" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:em"><img border="0" height="400" width="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSYcVaDX3MdibzjjWciCnwwKOHWn0-vOmUsOY944XrlThI2zCjmBVECscIHSBS-AkDQzmsVm2ej2RSgK_j6wD9f0VbCaKA93tv6NdWsqF-dmPY9yzjcvaMCAs1dp_0hGcat1i757HXxT0/s400/untitled-513.jpg" /></a></div>Has this project actually become a reflection of myself? Have I become Narcissus merely looking into a pool of water only seeing myself? As the project comes to a close I am beginning to question the process from which it all springs. I wonder if showing a man exposed and the process of exposing myself has really been appropriate. Should such intimacy be left behind closed doors? But I see such beauty in the world and classic art is adorned by such images. I cannot imagine the world without such images of Hippolyte Flandrin’s “Young Man Beside the Sea” or the works of Michelangelo and Caravaggio exposing the soul without exposing man as he truly is: naked, alone, radiant. Today’s image I had originally rejected because I could see myself working in the reflection of the mirror behind Chad as we shot. Also the source of the light is visible over his shoulder. To me images should be without either; flawless and seamless, to stand alone without distraction. But such an image seems appropriate as I close this project because it shows me involved in the process and in a sense becomes a self-portrait, a reflection of a years work.<br />
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I went to the bank yesterday to make a deposit and all the female bank clerks seem to recognize me. I popped into my friend Monica’s office, who is my banker there, and we began to chat. She began to tell me how incredible the project has become and how touched she was by what I’ve been writing, particularly about the kid who committed suicide a while back. As I watched her talk I could see how utterly moved she has been by the entire project. Apparently it had become a topic of conversation amongst her coworkers, around the water cooler sort of stuff. I had no idea she has been following the project at all. The other day Thor said he was working at a place in Hamilton, a small community 45 miles south, when a woman came in and recognized him from the project, who also was moved by it. I am suddenly becoming aware that I really do have a following of people in Montana that are mostly straight women. It feels most everywhere I go, when I actually get out that people have a spark of recognition. Perhaps this project has reached deeper into my own community then I originally thought. My afternoon was filled with a sense of satisfaction that I am finishing the daily blog portion of the project knowing that I have had an influence on the world the surrounds me. That the themes are universal that so many others in my community find their own truths in what I say. <br />
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Next week I am scheduled to work on a film project in Butte as a lighting consultant for the cinematographer. I will also be working on the publicity images for the Montana Rep’s upcoming national tour of the play DOUBT. So my week and days off are beginning to fill with other creative ventures. <br />
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What has brought me to this project is light; I am still deeply fascinated by light. It has such a psychological impact on the way we attach emotional context to our world. I know the upcoming weeks I will get back to my exploration of light. I have grown so much this year and have paved my way for a remarkable future of creative exploration. The new year will bring for me a greater sense of self confidence as I begin to reconnect back into the community that surrounds me, and reach out to other artists who are here. This year long project has isolated and confined me a bit because it has consumed so much of my day. Missoula is a fantastic place to get out and meet others, we have the most amazing coffee shops and restaurants of anywhere I have ever been in the world. It’s time to move back into that social realm of living again. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwdAku8XOzbASvHM0RDH4HojEwWEiFjB85P8DQ1jHrKJZZOojjpT214hJZqZB-7OAYGYUh_MX7_jSEg9oTb9Y4Ni0NLn8np86xcCqmhx_pbalzVBk0ezqGYTOhPS7cjwgTbHv10JNw2Bw/s1600/3057903517_c6506bc449.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:right; float:right; margin-left:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="247" width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwdAku8XOzbASvHM0RDH4HojEwWEiFjB85P8DQ1jHrKJZZOojjpT214hJZqZB-7OAYGYUh_MX7_jSEg9oTb9Y4Ni0NLn8np86xcCqmhx_pbalzVBk0ezqGYTOhPS7cjwgTbHv10JNw2Bw/s320/3057903517_c6506bc449.jpg" /></a></div><br />
The Naked Man Project will continue to grow, I have vast plans to clean through the old blog and begin to organize it. My garden job has not been renewed for next summer, due to budget cuts, so my focus this year can be mostly on my own creation. In a sense it is a huge relief. It will now force me to find other ways to make money and see if I can somehow make my photography more fiscally viable. So if anyone needs a photographer I am open for anything. Right now my focus needs to be back to myself. When I began this year I was at the prime of fitness in my life working out everyday. But as my mornings were filled with blogging for a year, I have grown a bit soft from too much sitting. It is time to bring that focus back to my physical self, to climb a mountain and look out over the vast wilderness that still surrounds me.<br />
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VIEW FULL IMAGE: <a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-untitled_513">Chad #513</a>Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203136957387562981.post-18837086783602048702011-12-29T13:46:00.002-07:002012-03-06T14:03:42.104-07:00Goals and Objectives<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Travis_384" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:em"><img border="0" height="400" width="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip2ETYwe4wHD2lsQbVg0mrcIo6j8vWHUuRKi387t80Z56eOWocCBCI896zZnASOUiK56rozGWWLSsld2pF5D6sAAFccpFq3fsKN0InJ-wuWnNAo556-dtvnHlQn1ukzafNXKMsTnxFZfY/s400/Travis-384.jpg" /></a></div>It feels like spring has hit Montana today. The temp is in the 40’s, all the snow has melted, and I am feeling like I want to get out and clean the hillside behind the studio. Well maybe at least get outside for something. <br />
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I began looking at my objectives I set on the second day of this project when this project began. “My goal here is to explore my own artistry and desire to create beautiful images of the male nude and expose my inner sensual/sexual identity though a daily blog. The project: for one year I will post a new image each day that I have created and examine my need to create it.” At that point I had not real vision of what I wanted or needed to achieve with the project and could set no quantifiable goals because I had no concept of where the project could possibly lead. In my head I basically wanted to force myself to come to this process everyday, grow, and hopefully make what I was doing somehow marketable or profitable. I had a strong desire to connect with other artists and become a part of an international collective of male nude artists. I wanted to break down some of the barriers, fears, and phobias that surround the male nude as an art form with my eye always toward some sort of commercial success. I felt the world around me was collapsing as my world of standard commercial photography began to decline and evaporate. I began the beginning of the year completely shaken and apprehensive in which direction to actually move. I recognized one of the explorations of photographing men nude was one of my passions, but I didn’t really have the confidence in my ability to pull off such an endeavor. The major obstacles I had to overcome was being in Montana and the already over saturated marketed of male nude art; perhaps I should say access to naked men online. So I guess all along I knew the project would mostly be a self-exploration, which indeed it has become. But more then anything I wanted to become a recognizable artist who had a passion for creating a healthy vision of what the nude male could embody without derogatory or explicitly sexual connotations. I am, and have always been, interested in how we deal with ourselves in that moment when we are raw and bare, naked, fully exposed. I live in an era and culture, well here in Montana, where others rely heavily on picking each other up for sexual encounters, and anonymity rules these encounters. You see we really don’t have bars here or a practical means of socialization. In Missoula, many people meet via the Internet hookup sites like Manhunt, Adam for Adam, Craig’s List, and we have several very active bookstores filled with glory holes, so you don’t even have to see the person you are engaging with. Many of these sorts of encounters seem to lack any sort of emotional connection, thus separating us from our true sensuality. Many of us are isolated from each other as our sexual identity becomes compartmentalized. Part of what I began to discover early on with photographing males nude was that it brought a greater self-esteem to many of the subjects I shot, giving them a better vision of who they were, healthy, strong, romantic, beautiful, and sexually alluring, showing them a new way they could see themselves that was not demeaning or degrading. Something I wished someone had taken the time to show me when I was that age. You see most of my life has been a struggle for a healthy vision of myself, something I just couldn’t see for myself. Something I learned by making lots of bad choices and often, harmful mistakes. I have never charged for these sorts of shoots; we are a poor country with little money for such endeavors, and my policy has always been an exchange for image or other work sort of approach. My process is highly experimental and the subjects would allow me the time to experiment and explore new lighting themes for other more commercial work. But somehow it is this process that endures and becomes the true essence of myself that quantifies the objective. There really is no price to be set on this. Though I offer these images for sale, I have yet to sell a single image. Perhaps the work is to personal and thus does not really qualify as art. Though I have named it art throughout the year I am beginning to see the possibly it is not art at all and my approach as been null. Perhaps it only has meaning to those who have been through my process with me. Have I met the goals of my objectives I set in the beginning? I think so; I have brought myself to the process nearly everyday for a year and exposed my inner sensual/sexual identity through my imagery and words. It has not been a commercial success whatsoever, but I have connected and communicated with that community of artists I have always looked to for adoration. This project now draws to a close with a greater sense of self-satisfaction as I know I have only changed a small corner of my world.<br />
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VIEW FULL IMAGE: <a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Travis_384">Travis #384</a>Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203136957387562981.post-57724384337224426382011-12-28T11:54:00.002-07:002012-03-06T14:04:20.680-07:00Absence Of Malice<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Nate_228" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:em"><img border="0" height="400" width="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx_-ryE-u7XHyU9a6oTcskLnOvOXja7c9PPwN1iMeG7BmLO3rIhZK3xX2yog51m5G4kVrWN04GvGbuoU7DVLfKRUOYfGQWvyFZwPXefP1gLs_d_ZVCXceEUGnKftmBFGgRfJw6xbEjdHI/s400/Nate-228.jpg" /></a></div>All that I have written here is about my world as I have experienced it. There was never any intended malice directed any at specific individual or group. If you feel you have been bitten by these words, perhaps you have recognized the truth within yourself. I have tried to be honest in my accounting of who I am and only write about the things I know. I have approached it as a sort of retrospective about the things that have greatly influenced my journey. My life has spanned many decades of change in our times and culture and it was intended to give an accounting of that evolution. To, in a sense, create a history of who we are and the issues we have dealt with living in a turbulent era. In a way, my life spans the entire movement from silent self denial to the dawn of total acceptance as we recognize our ability to unite legally via a long and bumpy epidemic that has both devastated a greater sense of our selves as well as rebuild a world with a greater feeling of community. All that I have ever dreamed has come true in my lifetime and I hold my head up with pride and dignity that I have experienced such a richness throughout it. This was an important year for me as a person as well as an artist. I have experienced tremendous growth on both sides. There have been sleepless nights; days and days lost in thoughts with moments of great joy, fear, and self-doubt as I have tried to remain true to it all. I have written approximately a singe page every day; sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less, and I now see a massive opus that bewilders even myself. It was my intent to write something every day and post a new image throughout the entire year. Coming to the end so far I have only missed 7 days, which I think is extremely remarkable. I am still not sure who follows this, but I know there have been some from the beginning and I thank you because I have always felt your presence. It has been an honor and a pleasure to have you on my journey and I am eternally grateful to all those who have picked me up along the way. I have always believed that art and life are a collaboration and now realize to create a blog is probably one of the greatest collaborations one can undertake. Thank you for the remarkable year and experience.<br />
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VIEW FULL IMAGE: <a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Nate_228">Nate #228</a>Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203136957387562981.post-41299464014468619292011-12-27T11:44:00.002-07:002012-03-06T14:04:53.029-07:00Life in a Vacuum<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Travis_724" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:em"><img border="0" height="400" width="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLFrs8MFOqHLdWikAggiso7yRjzmGzhLxWw3Vwexb7335YT-B92QvDJs_bO7hTYq81PJ-YukyOiZVXmt6Iq0f96uLm_rvfHvZh1qANlsoKVOc5TkAUXzEvqTjdQL1O7JdGHgLUmnCUX_I/s400/Travis-724.jpg" /></a></div>Today will mark 100,000 visitors to this Naked Man Project Blog since it began the beginning of January earlier this year. I had turned off the counter to exclude myself and had set up spam filtration not to inflate the numbers. This total is the two blogs combined since I have still continued the original blog on Blogger because there seems to be a lot of foreign visitors who are using translators on that site. Recently there have been about 500 followers per day. I am a bit awestruck to reach such a number and I am honored that so many people have followed this project. Many of you have become friends on my Facebook page and I am amazed by the diversity of people who have connected to me over the year. <br />
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I feel a lot of emotions beginning to overwhelm me now that I am in the final week of the project. I now have models that are becoming reluctant to be shown in the project because it has grown so much and suddenly when their names are Googled it leads to this project and some of them are reluctant to have this much exposure, so to speak. We are a very small community that typically is not open about such things. And I doubt greater Missoula has much knowledge the project even exits. I know at UPS, nobody is aware of its creation and what I have been doing, so in an odd sense it still remains a secret. Most of my family is not on Facebook and none of them are followers either, in fact most every one that surrounds my immediate world is completely oblivious to my undertaking, or has not mentioned anything. I feel like I should have a celebration to have accomplished this project, but there is no one around me to share that celebration. It now exists in a strange vacuum on the Internet and I am honored to have shared it with those of you who follow it. You see in my world the naked man is still taboo, physically and emotionally. We are still a civilization here that becomes uncomfortable with the expose of nudity, and equally so about not expressing our feelings, personal thoughts, emotions, and especially anything to do with homosexuality. To Montana this project is foreign and in a sense so far ahead of it’s time. Yet we exist on the Internet, sharing our daily activities and images through all the social networking in many ways trivializing our lives for all to see. Does everyone need to know the daily details of our existence? I have tired to approach this project on a broader scope and tried to create a vision of my time. Writing about issues we are all dealing with, well not all, people more like me, stuck in a places more like mine, struggling with identity, fear of creation in an absence of beauty. We live in a turbulent time of great uncertainty where day-to-day life is still a struggle. Where dreams begin to fade into a dreary escapism as we grow further and further from our true nature or sense of self. Has the world always been this way or am I just now paying attention? <br />
<br />
This year has been a tremendous amount of work and I feel weary and tired. I have literally taken a year off with great sacrifice for its completion. It will be good to put my focus on others aspects of my life that have been neglected through out the course of the year. My focus now begins to turn outward toward those what surround me, but now with a greater awareness and appreciation for what I have become through the process of this evolution.<br />
<br />
VIEW FULL IMAGE: <a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Travis_724">Travis #724</a>Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203136957387562981.post-77858312951795030892011-12-26T15:04:00.003-07:002012-03-06T14:05:25.535-07:00A Haunting Refrain…<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Jeremy_225" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:em"><img border="0" height="267" width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmDg2WUV_VxSvsGK_jh1P_jD60-lp59QSoaoVZ6879t1b8dRGJrX6MWxHb6B_Y7UQnq8wVW3ewpZr7_vEd5IbDOcVAHCUj1rNG_DzYVSfJlH2XtM-sWKK7LeTEjuKhFcTBLYfpcV3xv78/s400/Jeremy-225.jpg" /></a></div>The howling wind feels, as if it is about to burst through the walls as it pelts icy rain against the window. A winter storm is raging outside, in the darkness. It is now three eighteen a.m. My blood turns to ice in my veins, listening, as I lie awake sleepless, a sickness fills the pit of my stomach, as my breath becomes shallow and I am aware of a feeling I have not felt in decades. I keep asking myself, when did I become so cold? Tonight I am reminded as a memory haunts my thoughts, of a feeling I thought I had tucked so far away that it would never be allowed to emerge again. Funny, but it takes me back to a Christmas so many years ago. I was 23 and madly in love at the time, it was my first love, something I expected to somehow last forever. I was young, gullible, and somewhat naive of the world. I believed in a heterosexual role model of Donna Reedism of finding the one you loved and sticking with them to end of time. I knew early that I had a passion to be with another man, but was too afraid to approach it. So when it finally happened, I leapt at the possibility. What began in Montana as an act of lust from my first sexual experience with a man, moved us to Dallas as an act of love to find a world less inhibited. There was turmoil from the beginning and I somehow knew in my heart it didn’t really matter, sometimes these are the things we sacrifice to be with another. It was all I ever wanted, a dream come true, and I was not about to let it slip through my fingers. We had little money and had to live in a cockroach infested motel room in a very bad neighborhood in a then seedy area of the city known as Lovers Lane. I quickly got a job in construction, working on high-rise buildings for a new city that was being constructed outside of Dallas. He was looking for a job in computers and wouldn’t compromise on anything less, so mostly drifted around the motel, waiting for a job opportunity to approach him. I soon began to realize he was infatuated with another young man, also living in the same complex, and there were times when he would disappear for hours, leaving me alone to fret and stew in the worst of thoughts, which at the time nearly drove me mad, with envy, jealousy, and rage. Eventually I scraped together enough money and got us an apartment in North Dallas. But he still couldn’t find a job. I soon began to discover that he talked in his sleep, but it only happened when the air conditioner kicked on above our bed and he talked about people he had been having sex with, which confirmed my greatest fear, often revealing those experiences in graphic detail. I was suddenly in a difficult situation between not wanting to know, because it drove me deeper into a rage, and desperate to understand what was actually going on. So I have to confess I would spend the night turning the air conditioner on and off to hear of his daily escapades. It became a maddening obsession that I was not proud of but could not let go. I became devastated, and it finally all come to a head that week between Christmas and New Years as I began to confront him. Then New Years Eve we got into a brawl in the parking lot and I knew my idealistic fantasy world had burst. I have never felt so much rage in my life, and have not since. He left me shortly thereafter for someone else. Stranded in a strange city I was never quite comfortable in the first place. Then in the middle of the night I hopped on a bus and headed back to my home in Montana leaving everything behind.<br />
<br />
I didn’t realize at the time, but thereafter I began to build a wall around myself, determined not to get hurt again. Yes, I have had a lot of relationships, but somehow there was something always missing. Tonight, I realize it was me that has been missing all these long years. I now see when people get to close I back off or push them away. I always thought this was the way of an artist: to deny themselves emotions and express it within their work. But I was not yet an artist because I was too consumed by my fears to create. I settled and stayed with what was comfortable, often losing myself in the relationships or task at hand. Tonight has become a painful reality check for me as I see how I have insolated myself over the years. Tonight I feel that pain returning to my heart. I feel I have been loved by many but created such pain to most. This year’s reality check has maybe become more then I bargained for as I have lost something that is most dear to me tonight as I feel the repercussions of my year long focused task. Irreparable damage has been done and I must accept the consequences. Have I slipped into a dark abyss without even realizing it, because of my own selfish behaviors? Am I somehow doomed to be alone because I am an artist and need to create? I have changed so much, since those early days, but now I recognize that moment when innocence is lost and how my perception of the world changed and impaired my judgement. How is it we become so unhealthy at the moment of our greatest clarity? A hunting refrain plays through my mind and I suddenly realize a new meaning behind the immortal words of Oscar Wilde:<br />
<br />
<i>"Yet each man kills the thing he loves<br />
By each let this be heard,<br />
Some do it with a bitter look,<br />
Some with a flattering word,<br />
The coward does it with a kiss,<br />
The brave man with a sword!<br />
<br />
Some kill their love when they are young,<br />
And some when they are old;<br />
Some strangle with the hands of Lust,<br />
Some with the hands of Gold:<br />
The kindest use a knife, because<br />
The dead so soon grow cold.<br />
<br />
Some love too little, some too long,<br />
Some sell, and others buy;<br />
Some do the deed with many tears,<br />
And some without a sigh:<br />
For each man kills the thing he loves,<br />
Yet each man does not die."</i> <br />
<br />
From the haunting and moving poem: The Ballad Of Reading Gaol<br />
<br />
VIEW FULL IMAGE: <a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Jeremy_225">Jeremy #225</a>Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203136957387562981.post-26604875325432062372011-12-25T12:25:00.001-07:002011-12-25T12:47:55.956-07:00Merry Christmas<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQCeRMooGTzg303NokzZeOPqbAoXUDuJPGoOtUSIpPYu-DMgM2ksJkA-IRqCiSa3NGMi7DnKYBM-brbOUfgfOWeE5GwXPCmXwPowO21CpejwE8IiYTdXM-h5EJ2YGOmwE_5nSEbs9G_4s/s1600/free-christmas-ecards.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:em"><img border="0" height="240" width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQCeRMooGTzg303NokzZeOPqbAoXUDuJPGoOtUSIpPYu-DMgM2ksJkA-IRqCiSa3NGMi7DnKYBM-brbOUfgfOWeE5GwXPCmXwPowO21CpejwE8IiYTdXM-h5EJ2YGOmwE_5nSEbs9G_4s/s320/free-christmas-ecards.jpg" /></a></div>Yesterday my brother, Kelley, in Houston sent me a beautiful image that really took me back to Christmas past. Typically all our families gathered on Christmas Eve at our old family ranch that had been homesteaded by my great grandfather in the mountains of western Montana. All of my cousins, consisting of eight boys and one girl, would play reindeer games in the old barnyard as the darkness fell upon the mountains that surrounded us while we watched to the sky for the approach of Santa. We would play on the old scrap metal pile where my grandfather heaped pieces from the tractors and farming equipment parts which he recycled and scavenged from throughout the cultivation season. We build snow caves and forts in the snow banks from where the snow had been plowed at the edge of the old barnyard and licked the snowflakes that fell from the dark sky to our burning cheeks. I loved to sing and would get all my cousins to gather in the center of the barnyard about the old concrete watering trough and sing Silent Night or Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer. I remember feeling so happy, being filled with awe and wonder as we waited in anticipation. Though most of the families were poor, we had no sense of want, because our families were filled with joy, just to have each other and to gather and share such times together. We did not get much for Christmas and looking back I know my parents went to great sacrifice to give us the few things that would really delight on us on Christmas morn. It seemed there were always a pair of footed pajamas for each of us boys, though the colors were all different they all matched. Then we each got one gift each from Santa. Often time mine was some sort of craft gift like Pom-Pom Pets from which I could make old looking creatures from yarn, or paint by numbers, or a new set of brightly colored markers. My brothers typically got the Tonka’s, tractors and building kits. Somehow my parents recognized my creative nature and I somehow always ended up with something that captivated my creative spirit. My mind raced with excitement.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimcHU5RCsUr7D1sQxX9AMpb7FsgfQgDlWmgFLiVbNA7zzBsSBLLxONqmeo-KK4C29qQjbgbXhZpAXj8G-i6SZ-EalHt0P3Vy9QzARy-hbdNTFwT7HJHt5Uzo4NOOxB2Cyp7oh6sQ2TyLc/s1600/Christmas+2009-174.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:right; float:right; margin-left:1em; margin-bottom:em"><img border="0" height="214" width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimcHU5RCsUr7D1sQxX9AMpb7FsgfQgDlWmgFLiVbNA7zzBsSBLLxONqmeo-KK4C29qQjbgbXhZpAXj8G-i6SZ-EalHt0P3Vy9QzARy-hbdNTFwT7HJHt5Uzo4NOOxB2Cyp7oh6sQ2TyLc/s320/Christmas+2009-174.jpg" /></a></div>Though my family no longer gets together for Christmas anymore, my father and Norma go south to Yuma, Arizona and my brothers all have their own families. But I still go out a remote ranch in those mountains in western Montana, actually not to far from where I grew up, passing our family ranch along the way to spend Christmas. This time with my buddies from the Gay Rodeo Association. It still becomes a Cowboy Christmas wearing boots and wranglers, delighting in great food and just sharing with close friends. This year feels it is one of my greatest years of accomplishment. I have everything I could ever have wanted and my heart feels content and some point in the evening I will slip out to their barnyard and gaze to the dark heavens and step back to that simple time and think what an amazing heritage I have to be in this remarkable place.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqm-Kmp2E668F97SyTs43Ow8MTZtSxaI2c9dEcBjmrUvV4w3LXVWajeQMjer83_jDFlX4wsDXM5WSblLNZYoFUAsB0RFR_3dI6dy6wC42zQiRZTDXgKPyrR-ccyJz62KRmmg8eVxC3TmY/s1600/Christmas+2008-77.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="267" width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqm-Kmp2E668F97SyTs43Ow8MTZtSxaI2c9dEcBjmrUvV4w3LXVWajeQMjer83_jDFlX4wsDXM5WSblLNZYoFUAsB0RFR_3dI6dy6wC42zQiRZTDXgKPyrR-ccyJz62KRmmg8eVxC3TmY/s400/Christmas+2008-77.jpg" /></a></div>Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203136957387562981.post-91407005057127594392011-12-24T11:06:00.002-07:002012-03-06T14:06:10.175-07:00Identifying a Sense of Possibility<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Matthew_Coenen_117_1" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="214" width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8VdqGqNTZKXlF2zpyHGahQn1WFu6NeCwZhuf1LEM2VUjrweJJwOaSEVO7rXX12283fVKUAsaIq2wBvgkSS6cQlqAqsrVAGYeiw-gvfkEmMjuH2PbJkxAV38lqswdMIO-kdY-p7dT8iNs/s320/Matthew+Coenen-117-1.jpg" /></a></div>As budding artists we are often reluctant to look beyond the narrow scope of the world we feel safe in and dream of what may become possible. A great deal of my life has been defined by limitation, not feeling worthy of this mighty process of creation. Feeling limited because I was from a cattle ranch, limited because I lived in a remote place like Montana where the creative spirit was not recognized and nobody wanted to visit, limited because I didn’t have enough money, limited because I was homosexual and felt like a lower class citizen, and now limited because I am aging and reluctant to possibly try to thrive in a young man’s world of male art. <br />
<br />
There seemed to be no role models for me to follow who could guide me and as I mottled my way through the creative process. I often gave up and abandoned those dreams because I just didn’t think I was worthy of the possibility that what I was working on would ever amount to anything. I could recognize the impulse and could feel it buried deep within me, but I had no idea what was possible. In a greater sense I lived only to the edge of my limitations. Only taking baby steps forward, with long periods of adjustments to digest the accomplishments. To stand where I stand now and now and look back I see how slow and painful the process became. From the beginning I remember in my minds eye this was my elusive target, to stand where I stand at this moment. I keep pondering: if I have always known what the target was, why did it take so long to get here? I think it mostly had to do with confidence. Living in Montana I had no peer group who could recognize what I was doing was of any value. My work, though I continued to work on it, secretly, remained hidden and was created for my own satisfaction. Never thinking it was very interesting or good at all, thus making the evolution slow and often painful. I continued to look at other artists, see myself in their works, and grow by experimenting in their styles. But it always somehow felt I could never quite find a place I belonged. When I emulated someone else, my own work, always seem to fall sort, becoming not quite as interesting and thus creating yet another set back making me even more reluctant to show what I was creating. It was only at the brink of despair, where my life felt it had ended, that I finally began to show the images, only because I had nothing left to lose. <br />
<br />
I often wonder how many people create works in a vacuum that nobody sees. How many people feel unworthy of the creative process? How many people never begin the dream because it seems impossible? How many people live lives stuck, without a means of expression? Stuck in a job? Stuck in a relationship? Stuck in their own limitations? I have always been a humble man and this has been me to the T, always stuck, always reluctant, living in the shadows of the theater, living in the fear of myself. <br />
<br />
My advice now is: don’t be so judgmental of yourself, create the dream, name it, and follow it. Somehow empower yourself with what you do. I have made a lot of mistakes and created lots of truly bad images, but it is the process of growing so allow yourself to fail. Allow that dream to extend beyond what you know and expand the vision to a limitless possibility. Go for it; don’t wait until you become a middle-aged man to realize your potential. But most important believe in it and work toward it every single day.<br />
<br />
VIEW FULL IMAGE: <a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Matthew_Coenen_117_1">Matthew #117</a>Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203136957387562981.post-41783859116469661802011-12-23T11:36:00.002-07:002012-03-06T14:06:45.059-07:00Looking Beyond Myself<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Chad_329_1" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:em"><img border="0" height="320" width="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFEogI7v4ajEfuVB9iHBF12Q-dlCPHzBeYa-4GeFTubdktOZg9IxxnQSP1ANkGEGI3Cn4tUw5-9zQKtEBj_LbZjakVFY1MMuXSxyZ7FXMkCR177Vkcw2KfGmis-AdzIi03RmwWuIcFlks/s320/Chad-329-1.jpg" /></a></div>Though I have reached out into the world I still feel like I am confined within my small provincial town of Missoula. I know it is time to begin thinking past myself and begin letting my idealism soar beyond who I have become here. I need to begin to network into a larger collective of people who will challenge the way I see the world and can help me grow. I feel like I have been stuck in the same place for a long time and it’s now time for a much broader perspective. The things that I love about Montana and that anchor me here are also the things that hold me back. Yes, I am on the Internet, and yes I contribute, but I feel I often stay where I feel safe, visiting the same sites in my toolbar and perhaps spend too much time on Facebook and maintaining the new site. At the beginning of this year I spent a great deal of time looking at other artists and communicating with them. Somehow during the course of the year trying to bring it the web has consumed the later half of the year. Some times the blog takes me twenty minutes to write and sometimes, like the one about HIV issues in my community the other day, took the entire day. Once this blog project gets put to rest I should have more time to spend on the new site. My vision for it is astonishing as I begin to bring in all those whose works I admire. I would like the blog to continue, but I want the focus to now go toward others, exploring different media of art, dialogue with other artist, and writing about the history of male nude art. It cannot be an everyday sort of thing like it has, and will allow me to spend more time to really explore the things with which I am most fascinated and intrigued. To write something everyday and maintain it has been a major undertaking and it far more consuming then I ever thought possible. Then to work a regular job on top of all of it, my days are just spent in the process with next to no time for myself. But it has become a year of commitment and devotion and I thankful to have undertaken it. I am sorry I have ignored so many fascinating people along this journey, just because I couldn’t find the time to make it all happen. I have barely been out of the studio for almost a year now and there is a part of myself that feels it has stagnated. I know for sure I have lived far too much in my head and not enough in my physical self and my body is now screaming out for some physical activity. The possibilities of making money with all this doesn’t seem to occupy my thoughts as much anymore, but the focus now seems to be on doing what feels right and creating a sense of collaboration and sharing quality ideals. This is where I actually began the process and it’s where I need continue the process. I feel the overall integrity will outshine anything else and perhaps this is what will endure long beyond myself. I look at the great photographers I have admired, Dorothea Lang, Diane Arbus, Paul Strand, Fred Holland Day, Minor White and Robert Mapplethorpe and I have a better understanding for their passions to create. Part of becoming an artist is the struggle, nothing is easy, but I have always enjoyed the process and I have always struggled, and the struggle never seems to stop. But it is the imagery of these great artists that endure and can excite us upon every viewing. I now see I have so many friends with these gifts that I now to embrace and share. This project, has brought too much of the focus to myself, and not enough on what surrounds me. The path is no longer mine but that of a community.<br />
<br />
VIEW FULL IMAGE: <a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Chad_329_1">Chad #329</a>Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203136957387562981.post-38357149440585673242011-12-22T11:17:00.002-07:002012-03-06T14:07:20.119-07:00Evolution of Self-Vision<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Dean__122" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkN5m3BXBj-0f_y7B7G1WXWy2jUHFh2eWkp9yUoVu-n3poKJQTK-rAdAh3x5W55W-Q83jsOGPOfynfp03pRj-NwHp7qaE-kmxWWLJR7IwgOtHX3B1uOvTsSeEAidrIvi_un1CCGg4BwhM/s320/Dean+-122.jpg" /></a></div>I am finally back in the studio shooting again and the process now seems so completely different? My approach is different. It’s defiantly moving toward making a stronger connection to the subjects. It seems now that others are more aware of my style they are more willing to trust where I will take them, whereas before it often felt like I was blindly leading them and the process become more of a leap of faith for them. In think there is something heroic in all of us, we often do not see it for ourselves, but often it can be seen by others. I am praised for my gift of taking the seemingly ordinary and exposing the extraordinary with in. Really, truly figuring out what is extraordinary in others. I had a kid a while back who came to me for some images, we did a shoot, and he seemed discontent with the process. I worked up the images and he still seemed discontent with the images. I think he was looking for something a little more sexually alluring and felt that he was not in good enough shape to we worthy of my style of images. When he used the images he cropped them not to show his body but only the expression of his face. This surprised me. We never really communicated there after so I left the image alone and did not use them. But recently I have begun looking at those images again and see the real beauty that we had actually captured. And when I began to put those images in collections of similar styles they seem to fit perfectly. <br />
<br />
I know I still have self-doubt about my own self-image but recently I have begun looking at myself differently in the mirror. I am seeing something I had not recognized before, a different version of myself, this time not middle-aged, with wrinkles, who has gained a little weight, but now with a vibrant vitality. It’s almost like the winkles have almost erased themselves, as all the things that I saw as negative now seem comforting. I went to a Christmas Party last weekend with strangers who didn’t know me. The discussion of age come up and when I revealed how old I was everyone at the table was astonished. They assumed I was much younger. It actually quite startled me, and I began to look for traces of what they had seen to make that assumption. <br />
<br />
I began the first day of this year creating a self portrait of myself, that would become the profile image of me for the blog, trying to project a certain confidence and warmth that others might be inclined to believe in and follow. I remember working very hard on the image and emotionally not being in a very good place, feeling doubt, a certain amount of anxiety that lacked the confidence I was trying to project. Through out the year I have been looking at a lot of self-portraits of other people, particularly artists, and I am awestruck by many of those images. There is an honesty to them that really captures the essence of who I perceive them to be, from their communication and body of work. I now see in my own mirror that man of confidence and it is time to photograph myself for who I am. Certainly in my own style, but to capture what I have become through the course of this project and year. It seems it is far easier to photograph others and not one’s self. Since I am the photographer nobody seems to photograph me. I come from a non-photographic linage; we just don’t photograph each other. I have very few images growing up, mostly because we could not afford the process. It is time now to create a new self-image and honestly look at what I have become.<br />
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VIEW FULL IMAGE: <a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Dean__122">Dean #122</a>Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203136957387562981.post-37620479159659336162011-12-21T12:07:00.002-07:002012-03-06T14:07:58.142-07:00Defying All Morality<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-John___Jeremy_639" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkhBX8VrxSkKG_NJdga-Jz5JATEBYVqni4_uaAClt278he2yYQjIjBAU09tmxRR9PJZnDPvwmzfrKfKw3_-GwAXbHLcU_bv96Mi3cbAVh601bTrTtIe7q6HmxxI-FqKOFa52fQcZQdOeI/s320/John+%2526+Jeremy-639.jpg" /></a></div>I saw the movie version of <a href="http://www.westsidestory.com/">West Side Story</a> with Natalie Wood when I was in high school and it had such a profound impact on me that it changed my perceptions of the world and shaped my emotional existence for years to come. For those of you who do not know the story of West Side Story it is about a man, Tony, who is an ex-member of a gang, called the Jets, in a lower class neighborhood of 1950’s New York City. His, buddy, Riff, who has taken over Tony’s leadership role in the gang is now in a rumble with the Porto Rican rival group the Sharks run by Bernardo. Riff goes to Tony to elicit his help. Tony agree, but sing a song of elation about feeling the itch of something extraordinary in this life that is just around the corner. Both gangs meet at a public dance and square off when suddenly, something unexpected, forbidden and extraordinary happens. Tony spies Maria, Bernardo’s sister, across the crowded dance floor and magic happens. Their souls are instantly united defying all reason, logic, rendering them completely oblivious against the racism and hate of the world in conflict around them. The moment is wondrous while it lasts, but soon is shattered as the rage between the two rivals tears them asunder, escalating the conflict. Tony spends the night roaming the alleyways, star struck searching for his newfound love. They somehow secretly meet on a fire escape outside her bedroom and profess their love, and agree to meet up the following morning to run away together. But somehow amongst a lot of scuttle and chaos Tony ends up killing Maria’s brother while trying to unite the gangs and becomes hunted by Bernardo’s second, Chino who has a gun. Bernardo’s grief stricken girlfriend, Anita then finds Tony in Maria’s bedroom and in one of the most glorious songs of theater history, Maria, through the power of love, transforms Anita’s vehement hate convincing her to help Tony. And the remainder of the movie becomes a remarkable battle of wills as hate is explored through the most remarkable music ever written to a bittersweet climax.<br />
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The message here was strong and clear to me, as a young boy growing up in the small town of Superior in the mountains of western Montana, that I was free to love whom I chose despite any irreconcilable differences from the world I lived. What was felt in the heart could be manifested in a song of destiny and could defy all boundaries. I remember thinking at this moment I have an irrepressible desire to love a man. Though the culture around me saw it as taboo, I knew I could somehow follow my heart and find my true love. To me West Side Story was a celebration of forbidden love and in my head Maria, figuratively becomes a man, and that this story was somehow about me. I suddenly believed that romance would prevail, that being true to ones own passions, idealism and belief could transform the unknown world that surrounded me and I could face whatever perils lie in it’s path. Suddenly, there was hope and possibility where I had not known it before, and an acceptance of my self began to glimmer deep within me. I still watch this movie every couple of years, and it still resonates with a strong emotional wallop that overwhelms me to tears. Looking back I now see it’s what drew me to the theater. It has stirred an undying passion for musical theater and would become a compass in which I would guide my life. I realize now how powerful art is to transform our lives and change the course of our existence. It gives us a new vision sometimes, outside of ourselves, which we are often too afraid to examine. It gives us dreams and it gives us hope of a better future where we can face our fears and doubts. Somehow, “somewhere, well find a new way of living.”<br />
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Incidentally I didn’t find out until years later, when I began working in theater, that most of the creative team that envisioned this masterpiece where actually gay. Perhaps this was their way of reaching out the world with a statement on same sex love told for an audience in the 50’s about forbidden love. But somehow I got the message loud and clear decades later in those sheltered mountains of Montana.<br />
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<i>"There's a time for us<br />
Some day a time for us<br />
Time together<br />
With time to spare<br />
Time to learn<br />
Time to care<br />
Someday"</i><br />
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Music by Leonard Bernstein; lyrics by Stephen Sondheim from the musical WEST SIDE STORY<br />
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Due to graphic nature of this image I had to crop for the internet, click on image if you are interested in seeing it in it's entirety .<br />
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VIEW FULL IMAGE: <a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-John___Jeremy_639">Defying All Morality #639</a>Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203136957387562981.post-54419708313418745352011-12-20T15:28:00.002-07:002012-03-06T14:08:31.253-07:00Fear of Retribution<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Levi_122" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwsiawjV85Na-0R2Z9t6eHPA4Jf_y2dmYASb_jP5DIN2E2fJTJgk1X568eiTCS2Tu8bItBq5SEFFXNQS52YWcQRfOF_KtO09_m3N5_iz9zCs13f1ARO3IgaNwTPbqCUxfRbmaUp1sjHjw/s320/Levi-122.jpg" /></a></div>What are the real barriers to HIV prevention? As a gay man who has lived through this epidemic, this question keeps haunting my thoughts. It seems we live in a time where disclosure of one’s status signifies discrimination. When people still feel shame for becoming infected and their pride and dignity can be stripped away. For those infected, the gossip mills, run rampant, driving people into a deeper closet from which they can not retreat, leading to irreparable emotional distress, sometimes resulting in suicide. Their lives becoming dysfunctional as they struggle to come to terms with finding a new sense of normalcy. We live in a time where it is considerably harder to disclose one’s status then ones sexuality and this breeds an environment that is devastating to our communities. There is still so much stigma attached to HIV that it becomes one of the most elusive and often ignored issues of our time. No one wants to talk about it as we all live in a seeming healthy bubble of denial. Is this the really thing we should live in dread of in these modern times? There still seems to be so much internalized loathing surrounding this issue that it has become the central dividing line of who we are as a movement. I would expect this sort of attitude from the religious gay hating zealots, but not from our own culture whose journey for existence is based on acceptance. <br />
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I know of many discordant couples, one positive the other not, who have had long healthy relationships without the other ever servo converting? This seems to indicate that a balance is possible and that to sleep with someone who is positive no longer equals death. Yet, so many infected people remain hidden for fear of some sort of retribution from a culture that thrives in ignorance, fear, and drama. It seems the barriers then for effective prevention should be based on demystifying those terrors associated with the virus and focusing on the positive healthy aspects of dealing with someone who might be positive. But we have done the opposite; instead we have shunned them and pushed them away, creating a negative attitude toward those who are infected, causing them to retreat. Not accepting them as a whole within our society. For some reason, culturally, we have perceived protection with a dismissive connotation because it has always been approached as too confining. People are unwilling to accept it as a standard and or demand it. Everyone only wants to rely on those who are positive to reveal their status and not accept responsibility for their own protection. Unfortunately, with the phobia that currently exits those who are infected are reluctant to reveal their status and remain silent. <br />
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So the real question becomes how do we break beyond this phobia? First we need to recognize that the paranoia surrounding the issue actually exists and is unhealthy. Next we need to eliminate the witch-hunt mentality and discrimination that surrounds those who have become infected so they feel they can live openly in a healthy environment. I recently had a friend who servo-converted; he lived a life of awareness surrounding HIV issues, was cautious, and yet still became infected. He marveled at how much his eyes were opened, as he saw the attitude toward both sides of that world, now in polar opposition as he felt he had to approach his life with trepidation for a new perceived fear. I have also known of others who were terrorized by someone trying to extract a vindictive revenge just to create drama. Until this sort of attitude can change, we all will live in fear and trepidation. This sort of thinking needs to be recognized as a barrier for things to change. Only then can we come to some sort of acceptance of ourselves and make the prevention effective against HIV.<br />
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VIEW FULL IMAGE: <a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Levi_122">Anonymous #122</a>Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203136957387562981.post-80906677453329823562011-12-19T10:12:00.002-07:002012-03-06T14:09:09.909-07:00Moment of Elation<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-John_380" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:em"><img border="0" height="320" width="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTz8M8d68NwTAw-A1hJoamyz5mtf9oOqrND_6o46qDNqwbgTXioWL-JUrgxrHkqo5ii0w4bE4e32AQXxyjassEUZ1d6lMo86m8dFVxwnrHwqvQtnysA-JLDXOMwa8HiFEVsTfpBiQUtLc/s320/John-380.jpg" /></a></div>I am down to the last two weeks of completing my goal on this project with twelve more posts to write. I have had a weekend to wind down after a terrible last week of trying to get things done before the years end and it gave me a chance to reflect back over what I have actually accomplished over the course of this year and I now see how truly impressive it has been. To be a lowly cowboy from Montana, to shoot creative artistic images of nude to near naked men, to expose myself, thoughts, ideas, dreams for others to share and to make my own dream come true has been quite an undertaking and I will end this year contented. A friend of mine in Tucson AZ was at a bar the other night where they had a series of erotic images being displayed and recognized my work amongst them and he texted me with excitement. I also was recently friended on Facebook by the painter, artist <a href="http://www.weshempel.com/">Wes Hempel</a> who’s work I have adored for years. I sent him a note “We have the same birthday and I have to say it is an honor that you have requested me as a friend. I saw your work in a New York Gallery many years back and I was utterly spellbound by the healthy mystic quality you bring to gay culture. It is filled with love, compassion, acceptance something I have always striven to build within my own community but I am afraid have not been very successful at. You sir, are an inspiration to me and my method of working. Thank you very much.” To which he replied “Thank you, Terry, for such a beautiful note. Perhaps I'm drawn to your work for similar reasons, i.e., that it invites me, albeit initially via my interest in the erotic, into deeper questions and feelings. There's so much of the person in your photographs, a real human presence. Often, it surprises me. I wonder, how did he do that? Talk about a healthy mystic quality. I'm honored that we share not only a birthday but a mutual sense of inspiration.” This was a moment of reckoning for me as I realized I had reached to real goal I had set for myself from the beginning. To become a recognizable artist amongst my peers and others I have often followed and tried to emulate. My creative life began looking at others works so very long ago and a dream born within myself to express the vastness of my own experience through this time. I was never quite sure of the path or where this year would lead. I always knew a website was essential and now we have given birth to something wondrous that I can grow into in the upcoming years. The remarkable has availed itself and I now have a platform to communicate with the world and best of all other artist, who have been thought this process or are about the discover within themselves how remarkable their gifts can become if they face their own personal demons and merely show up to that creative table. My advice USE EVERYTHING YOU KNOW and look within yourself for the answers. The expression of art is the culmination of what we have felt and experienced, all of it. Last week I fretted because the year had become a fiscal disaster, to devote so much time, resources and money on one thing without any kind of return but this week I see I have grown well beyond a reward that money cannot buy, respect!<br />
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I wanted to open the last week or so to others who have shared this exploration with me. Are there any questions you needed answered, areas that have not be covered, or things you might want to know? Things you think I am missed? Please send me a note and they can become topics. For it is the viewer who becomes the final collaborator in the creation of any artistic endeavor!<br />
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VIEW FULL IMAGE: <a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-John_380">John #380</a>Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203136957387562981.post-56335121284696881852011-12-18T16:16:00.002-07:002012-03-06T14:09:50.468-07:00The Old World Into The New<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Ty_135" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="214" width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvMKo_YzIQpnUXcj6xGXicb11HWtY9-Cagyc0ihhiL34mwNX4_HNzxmwrrQZoRaeMK_OothyCJ6alHTT3M_JXcIoAx1gpNmRohm5sSHKLbxeCuBQ4JC0SSC47jhsgEqae7auVm31dEUlA/s320/Ty-135.jpg" /></a></div>I was looking though <a href="http://www.facebook.com/terry.cyr#!/media/set/?set=a.99242882873.93690.757742873&type=3">Facebook last night and some black & white images</a> caught my eyes that were rather stunning. Soon I was in a fascinating gallery of images that looked like they had actually been shot on film and then printed. I shot the photographer <a href="http://rofoto.com/Portfolio/Culture/Culture.html">Russ Osterweil</a> a message asking if indeed he was still shooting and processing film. We began to chat for an hour or so and it turns out we are both very much on the same path in our process. He too began in the darkroom with film, processing and printing his own black and white. There was defiantly a distinctive difference between the old film and the new digital and I was suddenly taken back to a time when I was first becoming a photographer. What an amazing process it has been, both then and now; though the processes are not remotely related they have become two distinctive approaches that still get us to the same end. In the old days (film) you had so many choices in your approach to crating an image. Every film had a distinctive grain structure. For those of you in the modern area film was imbedded with tiny granules of silver halide that reacted to light when it was exposed. You couldn’t see it until the film was chemically processed. The more sensitive the film was to light, the bigger the granules became making it faster to expose it to less light. Conversely the smaller the granule the brighter the exposure could be, such as mid-day, full sun. Thus creating a distinctive pattern in the film known as grain. With the modern area the image is read on a sensor that is completely devoid of grain; there is a flatness to it where the tone is all the same. The comparable equivalent would be pixels and the pixelizaton has become so fine that it’s really no longer discernible to the eye. What Russ has been doing it scanning those old negatives and working with them to create discernable images that still maintain the integrity of the original intention with which he shot them years back. It was a process I have tired to work with but have not been patient enough to fully explore, though I have cases and cases of images I would love to go back and rework, so I was trying to pick his brain on how the process could actually work his response was “Yes. There is a learning curve there for sure. You are dealing with grain AND pixilation. Pixilated grain, as it were. Tends to be very contrasty. Just gotta do it and experiment.” Looking through his portfolio there was such an honest poetry to the images that I began to admire. We began to talk about how similar our works were and I began recognize that many of the images that become most fascinating he was presenting in this new Facebook portfolio where actually images I had always rejected from my own work and always excluded printing. There was such a raw edge to the stuff I photographed in the beginning that I totally love in all his current images. “I see such poetry in the essence of moments captured in your work, that I normally would have discarded at the time.” I am totally jacked now about reexamining my own old process. It seems that we as photographers have lost a great part of our archives what document the progression of our work when we made the leap to digital, because the old negatives are no longer so readily accessible. Yet it was probably the greatest means of growth. I still use heavily rely on these techniques I leaned in the beginning and have a greater understanding of the nuance of exposure curves and learning to manipulate the image in to my vision. In the beginning photography was a process that took hours to create one image, so much of the other stuff shot was ignored due to time limitations. When I first moved to digital I printed my images, scanned them and manipulated them on the computer, once I figured out where I needed to take the picture I would go back into the darkroom and print what I had quickly created in the digital world. Now I am content to say I have mastered the digital world as well and want to reverse the process and bring the old world into the new.<br />
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VIEW FULL IMAGE: <a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Ty_135">TY #135</a>Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203136957387562981.post-31881024171047193142011-12-17T12:37:00.004-07:002012-03-06T14:10:25.333-07:00Vitality of Malcontent<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Jonathan_106" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="350" width="397" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhHumdU5swvHtsQiYwtKr4YIEFMeS19m5Hc0xU1UGtUuaAguGyvFAlDjieyvB4mVv3LGdhl45a7Ff1Tn71slZrtTp3t1HwZOw9OA1h419Ms-dc-E70ZisxsdD8Z2-32hMSqlk1GRFAD9s/s400/Jonathan-106.jpg" /></a></div>I have lived a great deal of my life in angst, fear, and doubt. In many ways it has crippled my capacity to actually see myself for who I was and what I was becoming. Somehow I feel so many of the choices I made in my youth have not prepared me for what is to come in the upcoming years. We are currently dealing with Glenn’s Mother’s health declining and having to move her into assisted living. It brings fear of my own aging and possible decline into sight. As gay men we have no heirs to help us through our aging process. I guess my greatest fear is somehow becoming incapacitated and not being able to take care of myself. I once heard the actress Jessica Tandy say “the only thing we really have in our lives in our health” and she lived and worked to her 90’s. It is now 5 years since I was diagnosed with Lymphoma and I have survived. In a sense it has made me more aware of my on mortality in those 5 years I have accomplished more then the rest of my years combined driven I believe mostly by fear and doubt. In a sense this year has really been about stability and pushing beyond all conceivable boundaries. I have felt more of a vitality this year then I have felt in the past 49 years I have lived. So why does it take us so long to actually find out who we are and now at that point of accomplishment and discovery am I opening new possibilities to feed that anxiety. I should be on top of the world at this moment but somehow I feel I am not and it’s creating a great melancholy within me. I know I need to live in the moment learn to celebrate what is currently before me. I have been given or created my own gift of discovery and this year has been remarkable beyond anything I could ever have imagined. How do I recognize and glorify the achievements? Am I a person destined to not be content or happy no matter the circumstances? Being an artist adds an intensity to this doubt, it always has. Perhaps because we are so truthful in our approach to life and everything becomes our mirror. I have a friend who keeps asking me to hold the mirror up to myself and I am still reluctant because I am possibly still too afraid to see what that mirror will reveal. I keep thinking the mirror is this blog and have tired to find the truth of myself within it. But has it become a mask instead? I somehow don’t think so. I think it is the sum of what I have lived and become and the vitality of this years needs to outweigh, outshine all else. In my minds eye I am still a youth and my body responds accordingly. Many that meet me are astonished when they find out my actual age. My next lesson needs to be to banish the insecurity and live in the vitality of the now? Can I really come to the point of total acceptance of myself? How do I get there? Perhaps this is next years project.<br />
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VIEW FULL IMAGE: <a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Jonathan_106">Jonathan #106</a>Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203136957387562981.post-39796088764787482052011-12-16T15:17:00.002-07:002012-03-06T14:11:00.229-07:00Followers of a Fool-Hearted Dream<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Corey_260" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:em"><img border="0" height="400" width="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqX5d1sn4reESoujvvSRo99JueBXssmTsPi1u1qbrLrXjVqa_K4FfwDsMFsoZb-VzgEA0aaSYIgWORQRQn2gVZhdolMSBxEQ3VHYWZyWZIOFzA70ZfQQVK_Uf-MCZrR5PcXE7-ajpho4s/s400/Corey-260.jpg" /></a></div>I am a bit lost these last couple of weeks of this project. It’s that time of the year when in my mind I have already begun reflecting on the year. I keep asking myself have I accomplished what I set out to do in the beginning? What else needs to be said within the year of a man? I have put a lot of ideas and concepts out there, but have I really put out there who I really am? I end the year with less fear and doubt, but have I really done a job of painting a portrait of myself as an artist? Emotionally I feel further along then when I began to year. I am wrapped in a sense of peacefulness that I have wrestled with so many insecurities and have reached out to so many different people and have been moved by all the letters and others who have inspired me throughout this year. Has it advanced my career or established me as an artist? I am not sure, yet? I have a tendency to see greatness in everything even when there is none present. It’s my blessing and my curse to think every moment is filled with meaning. It’s the nature of who I have always been. <br />
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Somehow I thought this project would be easier, but so far has been more challenging then I bargained for. But I am astonished that I have managed to persevere and brought myself to the process most every day through out the year, perhaps sometimes not so interestingly, but other times astonishing myself by what has been revealed. I am not a writer, and have never written before. I always feared putting my thoughts out there. I am the most horrific speller and my use of syntax and grammar does not always make sense. But I have at least put the thoughts out there. I keep thinking I will end this year looking mighty foolish because of all my inadequacies. Oddly enough I am still not sure who follows my fool-hearted dreams but there has always been an audience present through out the process. I know to become an artist often means putting your self out there with little expectation. It must be done for the self. In many ways it still feels like photography is somewhat of an intangible art form. It still seems to have no value; the market is still over saturated. Putting my life on display has not really advanced me in my creation it’s just given me a better understanding of my process and somehow made me more comfortable with some of the choices I have made with my life. It’s also revealed some regrets, that I have waited this long to actually expose what’s been in my heart. <br />
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In many ways my images lack the sexual qualities of my youth and are now filled with a reflection of myself as if I am looking in from the outside. Youth is filled with a spontaneity that my images lack. I often see a sadness that is reflected in my work, and after this year of self-examination, ultimately my life has been lived in a desperate sadness. Is this truly the way I see myself? Does my life turn back to normal again, to be forgotten? Somehow it reminds me of life in theater, you work toward the creation of a show, breathing your life into the production, it is shared with the audience, but then the lights go down, the set is cleared, and the stage is left empty. Perhaps this is just the general quality of life. But I somehow feel this will prove to be one of the greatest years of my existence. My heart swells with delight to those who have been here and shared the journey. Thank you!<br />
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VIEW FULL IMAGE: <a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Corey_260">Corey #260</a>Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203136957387562981.post-33136022117641645222011-12-15T13:06:00.003-07:002012-03-06T14:11:32.760-07:00Is Modern Film Missing the Final Reel?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Nate___Zach_258" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:em"><img border="0" height="400" width="271" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGCxBtG6SX9mBq7x8xxJM-CxWPkOuSx6iNYRyY1EpQ924k9F5qFhR42gbvQ7ln8OKwdb4aTvkKn5lasc9Y6o6GhClt31HvO0ZY_Mgg1AO845XpeMGn_4uTK-gA5j0ZoolSY3RSdpoNbbo/s400/Nate+%2526+Zach-258.jpg" /></a></div>It is that time of year when all the “Best Of” lists begin to come out. I always loved movies so this was always a fascination for me to review these list to see how my opinions compared to others. This morning I saw my first <a href="http://www.npr.org/blogs/monkeysee/2011/12/14/143637170/2011-in-film-how-a-year-without-a-favorite-was-a-favorite-year">top list of movies from 2011 on the NPR website</a>. The woman doing the reviews seemed a bit perplexed by the lack of standout movies for the year. She thought it was a year of ambiguity in the industry and there were no major films that really won people over; but mostly split the viewer ship of those who had seen them. As I perused the list I began to realize I had not seen a single movie that was released in 2011. As I began to cut and past titles into Rotten Tomatoes, a movie information site that I used to adore and followed religiously on a daily basis, I realized how much this industry has changed and it was now like navigating a mine field to even find a spot to paste those titles due the site being taken over by a barrage of moving advertising. I worked my way through the list of movies, trying to gain more insight, when an emptiness began to fill the pit of my stomach. There was nothing here that even sounded remotely interesting. That old excitement for finding a rare gem of a film that would challenge the way I saw myself or give me a new perspective on my world, somehow was missing and I began to think back to when was the last time I actually saw a film? The last time I entered a theater was to see Avatar, whenever that was, and I utterly disliked the film and experience I have not been back since. Granted I have taken the year off to become consumed by this project but what has happened to world I once loved so dearly. I guess in a sense it has all come home. I still watch stuff, but when the movie houses become filled with glorified video projectors, and Blu-ray at home outshines them it becomes harder to go sit with a group of strangers who are texting, talking and chewing, to watch a dimly lit presentation, at an exorbitant price for me to even go anymore. <br />
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My connection to the movies as always been strong and passionate. I began working as a projectionist when I was a young kid and had to stand on a box to see out the portals from the booth and by the time I was 18 I was managing a local theater chain in Missoula. Movies utterly captivated and entranced me. I knew everything there was about every movie and saw most everything released throughout the year. It was the soul of my livelihood and I lived as if my very existence hinged on them. Growing up in a small community in Montana they become a rich fabric in which we learned to see ourselves. Every emotion I have ever felt was first experienced in a movie. What has happened over the years? How have I fallen so out of love with something that inspired me for decades? Today I feel a loss, like a part of myself is missing. Perhaps it’s just a sign of aging but I am still searching for a revelation in the flicker of that celluloid magic.<br />
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VIEW FULL IMAGE: <a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Nate___Zach_258">Nate & Zach #258</a>Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203136957387562981.post-89450893174656485632011-12-14T12:25:00.002-07:002012-03-06T14:12:05.957-07:00The Moment of Vision<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Jeremy_540" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:em"><img border="0" height="400" width="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAWnB1-GVnaHwjaEkUsnZ2M6hw5kLBond8JxZbpAzuGJnM5yA8w3SsxbZoQnVWEHsJI_xLtCAsnWVMztNejq-_vwMSMzPyI4NUe3U4e4b7OV09eMcV1b2BEblTUT2wwTjlosu2apQbC08/s400/Jeremy-540.jpg" /></a></div>I often see a vision that becomes quite sensual to me, a beautiful man, standing naked, in the shadows of the room. I watch the light play on his skin in the darkness as only the shape of his figure is outlined by the highlights across his sensuous skin as he moves about in that darkness, lit only by a streetlight, faint, dim, dappled with emotion, spilling through the window. He subtly moves to expose the youthful shape of his abs, not well defined, but in the darkness I have felt their tightness, another shift and I recognize the powerful contour of his arms filled with tension. As he turns toward the window I recognize the flatness of his chest muscles as they ripple from the darkness yet the highlights expose a supple softness of his skin that I want to reach out, touch, caress. It transports me to a timeless place when I was young and suddenly the vitality of my own youth comes flooding back. He is unaware I am watching him so intently as I am inspired by this remarkable moment as if suspended in time. How do I bring this into the studio? How do I reveal my own thoughts, feelings and the emotions that overwhelm me? I am utterly entranced by the sensation of this remarkable beauty and merely desire to bask in it for an eternity, but know this moment is fleeting, and soon he will dress and go home. The essence of that moment lingers on however fleeting it may have been, savoring it, reliving it, playing it over in my head as it dances through my thoughts for days to come.<br />
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VIEW FULL IMAGE: <a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Jeremy_540">Jeremy #540</a>Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203136957387562981.post-75599100323402581672011-12-13T13:59:00.002-07:002012-03-06T14:12:48.113-07:00Gilbert M: A Lust For Life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Jeremy_188_2" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:em"><img border="0" height="320" width="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7iX5Pu5PoAbBFLwVVvqOn4jHU-T_9jR6Is8xeyZQpp3ALoZimEOtlRwRuY-qi9M7yCrNrimYCOfCwmj22SSSMAuuD0qBZv8wMkjR52-0I27zj3QkJOHUjEYV89tuu1nFhvzI_URWXDgU/s320/Jeremy-188-2.jpg" /></a></div>Today I wanted to write about a man to which I owe much of my creative life. His name was Gilbert Millikan, probably one of the greatest champions for arts in the state of Montana. Gilbert passed away in 2003 from brain tumor and I cannot let this year’s project pass without paying a tribute to him.<br />
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Gilbert was born, raised and spent the greatest portion of his life in Missoula. His father was a smart businessman who invested in properties and owned the original Bitterroot Market, which is now where the Bitterroot Flower Shop is located. Gilbert’s mother was involved in many social organizations throughout the valley so Gilbert inherited the best of both those worlds. He is probably the kindest, most generous man I have ever known. He was somewhat of a philanthropist toward the creative process, the creation of art, and artists of all sorts. There were two sides to Gilbert, one his outgoing social butterfly, and the very reclusive man who often chose to remain hidden. He lived in an old Victorian Mansion, with his two little yappy dogs Sunny and Happy. He was passionate about gardening and developed the grounds of his Victorian Estate into the most extraordinary gardens. This is how I sort of got to know Gilbert. I was a student in college and rented an old carriage house on the property that had been converted into a self-contained guesthouse. I would occasionally help him with the upkeep and planting of those gardens. Movies were another passion we both shared and every Saturday afternoon we would go off to see whatever was new. His passion for movies so astonishing that he bought a video rental business that he grew to become one of the biggest and best in town outlasting any franchise that would dare enter our small community. <br />
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Probably the deepest level Gilbert and I bonded was that we were both gay. Though he was much older then I was, he was fascinated by how open I was and how the culture around us was becoming more open and the world seemingly more tolerant. The reclusive side of Gilbert’s stemmed from a certain amount of shame he felt from being gay and the difficulty he was having with his own acceptance of his sexuality. He had a long time partner, but they had become estranged and lived in separate houses in the same block. Anyone who would meet Gilbert would instantly recognize he was gay, as much as he tired to conceal it. I worked off and on for Gilbert for many years whenever I was in town, eventually becoming his personal assistant until his untimely death. I nursed him through his final months as he struggled with the tumor taking command of his life. Upon his passing, he endowed everything he had owned, properties, massive art collections, and estate to four arts charities in the state of Montana, which were considerably under funded at the time. <br />
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All those years with Gilbert I learned to face a lot of my own fears and anxieties. Gilbert had instilled in me a passion for what was beautiful and that all creation comes from the soul weather you are photographing, gardening, or cooking. He was a man of amazing means that lead a humble life. Everything was done and approached with as much enthusiasm one could muster with no expectation of an end result. Though he was not an artist himself, he was fearless in his approach for cultivating other artists and brought humanity to the creative process and instilled a passion for others to create. He became a great patron for many artists in the region, filling his house with the works of others. He believed in me when I couldn’t see it within myself. He believed that we had to earn everything, and didn’t hand it to me, but always created an exchange. The honor of artistry was something that had to be earned, like any other business and that anything was possible with a lot of hard work. This instilled an ethic in me for my own creation that seems to drive my passion deeper. <br />
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My dear friend, though it has been many years since your passing I wish you could see the seeds you have laid in my heart for what I have become this year. You would ever be so proud of what I have been able to accomplish. The best of everything you ever were I now carry forward. I have now become that artist you had always believed in as a young man. My compassion, honestly, lust for life, and ability to see into the humanity of others I owe to you. Thank you for the gift of such a precious life.<br />
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VIEW FULL IMAGE: <a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-Jeremy_188_2">Anonymous #188</a>Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6203136957387562981.post-29056265119184978052011-12-12T14:15:00.002-07:002012-03-06T14:13:28.949-07:00Photography 101: The First 10 Years<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-ken_kneeling.3" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="299" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4U4xxVz9lF2_A5GRH7-RJIU5t_5EAciHDsmH0HxRvA9EfRJYImnydBMG9UrV8SoDVWSfWK_jxpO8TjgxQDA53JUu4_82WgMDfCXj4-iTrIj9JtMXIbZFNAbaL69d88fZI06Coj0tge_s/s320/ken+kneeling.3.jpg" /></a></div>I began chatting yesterday with a man from Minneapolis Minnesota who was interested in coming to Missoula to go to the Rocky Mountain School of Photography this summer. He is an architect and interested in becoming an architectural photographer. He had lots of questions about the school and about Missoula. Fourteen years ago I made a decision that I too wanted to become a photographer. I had never owned a camera and really never taken photos before. So one summer I enrolled in The Rocky Mountain School of Photography summer intensive program, that was then just a few years old then, It was 11-weeks of shooting processing, printing and critiquing. It became a turning point in my life. It was pre-digital then and we learned everything the old fashioned way of exposing film, processing it with chemicals, and printing it our selves in the darkroom. Everyday was a huge leap and everyday we were required to produce one color slide and one mounted black and white print for evaluation. I remember is was frightfully expensive, but for that 11 weeks all I did was eat, drink, create and dream photography. The course then didn’t really lead you toward a professional end, but it gave you a good start, teaching you the fundamentals and pointing you in the direction of where to look for the larger answers. The school still thrives today, though I can’t imagine spending 11 weeks now only on digital. I ended the summer broke, but at least able to shoot with the basic fundamentals of self-expression. That fall built my own darkroom and began to grow from there.<br />
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I know most of the students whom I took classes with didn’t peruse the craft beyond that summer and in a sense the school seemed to be more targeted at glorified hobbyist with lots of money that wanted to spend a summer in Montana. Photography is one of the most expensive passions I have ever engaged. The equipment is expensive and becomes more expensive the more proficient you become at the craft. For years and years everything that I made, off the process, completely went back into the process, plus some. Now days it is still ever changing and evolving and seems to become more affordable for beginners. In a sense it feels the market for professional photographers has fallen through the floor as the automatic cameras and software make it possible to any and everyone to take a decent picture. Back then, to undergo the process and take the time and expense to create an image meant that the image carried a great deal of significance. Today I wonder if that significance remains the same or has it just become altered. I could spend days working on a single image. Today I create it in moments, transfer it to my computer and have a completed print within a few minutes. It took years to understand the technical nuance of exposure, composition, and how to translate what I saw into an image. To perfect the art of seeing and relating my feelings and emotions to the moment I clicked the shutter. Though I mostly am guided by the instincts now it is still a process the make a single exposure. I have since thought other students the process of photography, but my emphasis is always on how to use the instrument you have to create your own expression. There are so many subtitles to the art of photography that the expression becomes unique to each individual. It becomes a matter then I turning off the automatic settings and making choices for your self. Defining exactly what you want the image to convey through the use of various lens and focal points of those lens, to stop of blur a motion, to create a depth within the image that defines your point of focus. It is not something that is mastered in a manner of weeks but has taken me a lifetime to cultivate and most often without reward. To become a photographer one needs to have a passion for the craft and it’s artistry. It is a process that is rarely perfected and never completely learned. We change as much within ourselves as the technology forces us to change and adapt to new techniques. <br />
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As I began to convey my personal conception of the art of photography to my new friend I began to see how much I have grown through its process. How much it has shaped my conception of the world. I just hope I was not overwhelming and scared him off. The art of photography is still an awesome process, even if only with an I-phone. Like everything else in life, you get out of it what your put into it.<br />
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VIEW FULL IMAGE: <a href="http://www.naked-man-project.com/joomla/en/the-naked-man-project-blog/gallery-of-images/december-2011#63-ken_kneeling.3">Ken Kneeling</a>Terry J Cyr Photographyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02769268884851741395noreply@blogger.com0