One man's exploration in finding himself and his search for light, beauty, desire and art.
Friday, January 21, 2011
The Heart of Darkness
Where does one begin a journey into ones self? Do I begin with my work and the sources that have inspired it or do I begin exploring my life, searching for the pivotal moments looking for clues and sources of inspiration? Am I fearful and strong enough to face what may result? There is no certain point from which to leap. My life is at a cross road and it is time to make some decisions. Does this become my search for a new direction? It all begins in darkness as a smattering of light begins to appear. The am beginning to see the images I create are mirrors of my life and all it’s complexity. The overall impression is of serene calm and balance, but what lurks deep within is anxiety, angst, fear, doubt and confusion. All of my images emerge out of darkness; a blackness within myself. The light is the struggle to maintain balance. The male form is desire, past present and what I feel of the future as I struggle to come to terms with my own mortality. I have lived a life lurking within my own shadows. I am drawn to a world and environment of decay, crumbling, distant. I am and have always been disconnected from the rest of the world and have lived within the confines of my own security. For the most part I dislike the world and would rather retreat from it, within myself, feeling like I am ever being pulled into the darkness. This journey is a confrontation of myself. I have created images for a long time but never pulled them out as a collection, to reflect on the secrets they contain. Now at this crossroads it’s a time to examine and reflect and delve into that heart of darkness and face what I have become.
I called this image SHADOWS OF DESIRE. This was an image I created years ago when I was first making the leap to digital. This was my first exploration of merging images. I had a strong desire to create homoerotic art and could see myself within that world. The base image was borrowed from a photographer I idolized and admired called Kingdome 19 and this is my tribute to him.