Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Living In Opposition
In many ways my brother Mark is the reverse mirror of myself. He represents all the things that should be perfect in the world, the ideal American Dream. Our lives have been a race though time as polar opposites, our own “A Tale of Two Cities”. He settled down early, took a job of security, raised a very large family that is tight and strong, that will carry on his name in tradition. They have an extraordinarily beautiful home, are happy, content and satisfied. His children are grown and are now having many children of their own. They all just returned from what seems like a perfect all-family vacation to Disneyland. I have not seen so much joy, warmth and connection in a family as theirs. I felt like a stranger on the outside looking inward for in many ways they are all strangers to me. Why am I not a part of their cozy world? They have always been so far away and I afraid to interact, because I was so different. My brother is one year and a day younger than me and has already retired and is now onto a second career. It seems that I have always compared myself to him and often it makes me ache that I did not follow in tradition, especially as I get older. There is no legacy from me that will be carried forth; it will end with my life. But I feel while I am here I must explore and let someone know my life did have meaning and purpose. That I have touched other peoples lives in my little remote corner of my own sheltered world.
This journey is really about me, and my relationship to thoughts, imagery and issues I have struggled with thought out most of my life. I have reached a stage where it is time to reveal a history of who I am and the experiences I have lived, the darkness included, because there is so much darkness that has defined it.
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