One man's exploration in finding himself and his search for light, beauty, desire and art.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
The Sum Of Me
I realized today that I only have 90 blogs left to write and post. Wow, it feels like I am just beginning in so many ways! I feel like I have had so much to say and don’t really feel like I have really gotten to most of it yet. Some days seem harder than others and some of them become quite difficult to write because I may start off with an idea of where I want it to go and as I write divert into in another direction that I really hadn’t thought about. Most of it becomes stream of consciousness and I try to keep it relevant to what I am dealing with in my little world. My philosophy has been that I cannot change the world, that I can only impact my little corner of my little world. The way I write is also the way I photograph and live my life. I feel like I am a fairly grounded person, who has absorbed a lot in my life, the same as I absorb information for my creative work. I love research, reading, theater and particularly cinema; anything that captivates me emotionally. I generally come up with a plan or concept of what I want to do and often have a free flow, getting to the result. For the most part my days are completely unplanned and unstructured. Yes, I may have a few things that are planned, a photo shoot, or a meeting, and yes UPS in the evenings, and most definitely a walk each night with the kitties through their neighborhood after dark so they can show me all the amazing things in their tiny world. But for the most part I don’t really know what I am doing when I get up in the mornings. I don’t really have a set time I get up or go to bed and live my life in complete flexibility, working on and flowing from what feels important at the time or in the moment.
I would say my greatest asset is being present in the moment all the time. I don’t drink much, don’t really do drugs, well perhaps on a rare occasion and I detest television. Television is way too mindless for me and I hate the thought of someone coming into my personal space to assault and insult me. Obviously, I adore the Internet, but then again I actually limit it to about an hour a day socially or longer when I am researching something for a project. But, my approach to photography is the same as I live, it’s generally structured with a concept or idea that I want to explore, well researched but then when I get to the shoot I let go, let it fly out the window and put my focus utterly on the subject giving them all my attention. Then, together we explore the possibilities of where the shoot will lead, often someplace completely different from where it starts. I thrive on this sort of interaction and the spontaneity. I believe life is a collaboration of the people we know and become acquainted with and so photography also needs to be a collaboration of the best of both our worlds when I work with a model. It was one of the things I loved about working in the theater and one of the things I admire most within myself. I am admired at UPS because of my spontaneous nature and ability to creatively solve problems and issues because I am able to recognize both sides of the management structure as well as union workers, which are typically in complete conflict with each other. This is also what made me a great stage manager in the theater, my ability to look into the heart of everyone and figure out how to best draw upon their talents.
I am generous, kind, giving, compassionate, considerate and empathetic. Though I sometimes write about dark issues, I am really not one to brood. I think I am funny and I tend to laugh a lot and find such delight in simple things. I rarely get upset and when I do it becomes a remarkable marker making me aware something deeper is happening within myself. For the most part I totally enjoy my life and have a happy existence. Though my thoughts and mind tend to deal with heavy issues of trying to figure where I am in my time and my significance as to how I relate to it. But being a creation of the moment it is often pondered then forgotten as I move on. Kind of like this blog I would say. Dabbling in a bit of everything and going everywhere. I guess over all I am just the sum of all my marvelous parts rolled into one oozing bundle.