For some reason it feels like the surface of my vision has become boring. The more I settle the less interesting I become. Is this project refining all the hard edges out of my life, healing so many old wounds, that it is grinding all the truly interesting parts of myself away? I am beginning to shoot new things but have lost the deeper meaning that was so vivid in the beginning. So much of my work was steeped on fear and living on the edge of anxiety. If I reveal and expose all that pain and heal all those wounds is the meaning of my struggle lost? I fear it is fading to become a distant memory that will no longer haunt or inspire me to greater work. Last night I sat working on a series that was absolutely beautiful of a young man I shot last week. Some of the best stuff I have produced technically, up to this point in my life. I keep wanting to suppress the really interesting images and keep them hidden, those revealing the darker side of myself that I am drawn to. Does having an audience sway what I am trying to produce and impact its honesty? Have I softened this project so much that I am not really exposing what brought me here in the first place?
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George #221
1 comment:
Mmmm interesting if not thought provoking thoughts Terry. Whilst you have been able to work through the rawness of those wounds more on the surface and those that have been uncovered through soul searching imagery of others, the residual effects of those injuries must linger in different ways. I wonder if during the processes you go through with us - the shared collaborative coming together of minds and the bonding of shared intimacy of that sameness of mind that that which might be uncovered in ourselves is made possible by your drawing upon your lived experiences and the healing that you have going through. I believe that your infinite wisdom, compassion, passion and lived experience are so amazing and pull from us that which will reveal our own identities - our multiple identities. I believe your healing heals us. Some of us heal more slowly than others and need your abilities to tease out our selfness - our identities - our sexuality - us. While I understand where you are coming from I believe that the deepest of your work is beginning to emerge because of your healing. I myself cannot wait for you to let me reveal and heal more.
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