Sunday, June 19, 2011
Here to you Dad!!!
Well finally about 15 years ago, when I had finally come to terms with myself and comfortable with the life I was living, I finally approached my father. I wrote him a note one day saying what was in my heart, what I had felt, admitting I must have been a disappointment to him. That I never really knew how to approach or deal with him and that I was sorry for being such a difficult son all these years. Shortly there after my father approached me and we talked. He admitted that he was a bit afraid of me and knew I was different and just never know how to approach or talk to me. It turns out he was very proud me and all my accomplishments. I remember my heart wept with joy to finally be able to talk to him. It’s probably one of the most powerful moments I recall in my life. It was suddenly like a switch had been turned off as I began to realize all my own self-loathing was of my own doing. That I had possibly been pushing people away from me all of my life. It was all I knew. Anything emotional required a barricade that would insolate me from hurt or pain. The emotions came flooding back and I wept.
Since I have built an amazing relationship with my father. We have patched all our old wounds and have become good friends. I have let him into my life and share things with him I never thought possible. We go to football games together and I love to hike with him in the mountains. Many years ago he began working on a trail hiking guide to the lakes of Mineral County. This is where he grew up and had lived his life and he knew those lake and mountains well, it was his passion. We could spend an entire day hiking to visit remote places and he would sit on an overhang and I would see a comfort settle into soul, like I had never seen around our home. I began to see how my father’s connection with the nature of his own back yard was his strongest connection to universe. For a while I was going with him and taking pictures of all his remarkable places. I would lug my heavy lenses and camera equipment to these remote places and I would try to capture them from his eyes. My father has become one of the most remarkable men in my life. I love you dad, thanks for all you have given me and such a precious life.
Today's image is my father looking out over Hub Lake in the Mountains of Western Montana.