Sunday, March 25, 2012
Creation within a Fragile Existence
Yesterday I learned of a friend who was recently diagnosed with cancer and passed away. I see how fragile our lives become. He was younger than me and it’s been haunting my thoughts the past couple of days as I begin to make sense of where I currently am in my own existence. My own life is so vast, that I am lucky to have such woven such a richness in most everything I undertake, the biggest question is am I really taking the time to appreciate it to it’s fullest. It is now five years since I was also diagnosed with cancer, underwent treatment, and was lucky to survive this long. I see how survival has put my need to accomplishment into a sort of hyper drive that now consumes me. In a way making me fearless. But the real question is why did it take me so long to get this motivated. Why is it that it takes facing annihilation to awaken our lives to what is really important and essential to what we need to become? There really isn’t time to tread water anymore. Many years ago my dearest friend Gilbert was diagnosed with a brain tumor the week he decided to retire and was gone within 6 months. He was a man of great means to accomplish whatever he could possibly desire but spent too much of his time consumed in unhappiness. I have really begun to question myself. Am I really happy? Am I too consumed by my need for my own accomplishment to see what I have become? The process of becoming an artist means we must dwell in what we have created. To us as artists, the fresh vibrancy of what we create becomes dulled because it is rooted in a deeper connection of continually living within it. Someone sending me a text in the middle of the night sees a freshness and vitality that I can no longer recognize. But it does reawaken ourselves to see some thing we have created from a new perspective and reawaken our own bewilderment to what we have become. Though I may have been derailed from my original intent I still become aware of the extraordinary of my ordinary self. This is my process of discovery and creation.
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